Glitter in the Dustpan

Oh Punky, are you really four?

2012-01-10T21:05:00.000-05:00

I can't even believe that our little Punky will be four tomorrow. I have to be careful as I type this, because I'm not sure if my Apple protection will cover my computer being flooded in tears.

He is such a big boy. He's very proud of being big, and is quick to correct me if I refer to him as my "little boy" or anything like that.

I look at Bubba toddling around and it seems like only yesterday that Punky was the cute little toddler in our house.

He's adapted well into his role as big brother. It took about a year, but he's very sweet and responsible now. He doesn't share everything with Bubba yet, but he does offer up a toy in exchange for the one that he ripped from Bubba's hands, and usually Bub is ok with that.

It seems like the Thomas the Tank Engine obsessed little boy is light years away from the Angry Bird and Superhero obsessed big kid that I have one year later. He's still rocking his little blue guitar, but instead of singing Daddy's favorite Paul Weller songs, he rocks out to a music all his own (and sometimes in a language we don't really understand).

He knows all of the words to about 100 songs. Sometimes he hears a song in the grocery store and ask me to play it when we get home. Then we listen to it a million times until he has all of the words memorized. Last month it was Buddy Holly, this month it's the Black Eyed Peas. He loves live music and is obsessed with the worship leader at church. He's too scared to talk to him, but he talks about him all the time, and when we arrive at church on time for worship, Punky likes to sit in the front row and watch.

He has all of his books memorized, and will remind you if you're being lazy and skipping a word or two. He remembers EVERYTHING and has reminded me 20 million times that he needs to go to the dentist since hearing it at the doctor's office a couple of days ago.

He's adjusted to school and gets really excited to see his friends on Monday morning, which is amazing when I think of him crying his eyes out each morning at Parent's Morning Out.

He's fully potty trained, and sometimes I'm shocked that I've gone an entire day without thinking about whether or not Punky has been to the potty. Sometimes he wanders into the potty when he doesn't have to use it at all, because he likes to use bathroom words, and that is the only place in the house he is allowed to say "poop" and "pee" as much as he wants.

Punky was very excited to turn four, and even behaved at the doctor's office for a full checkup and shots because I told him that the doctor was checking to see if he was "big and responsible enough to have a fourth birthday" He passed, but now he's starting to regret it, because being four means that he's no longer allowed to run naked at the beach and he needs to stay in his bed all night.

He still has tantrums and is far too demanding for someone so little, but he's much less of a monster than he was last year, and I'm hoping this trend continues.

He's exhausting, loud, nutty, always on and always going 100 miles and hour. He never wants to sleep. Even when he's falling asleep, he's saying, "I'm not tired...I don't want to go to sleep.."

He does the cutest weirdest things. He named the fish "nobody" He asks me to marry him almost every day, even though he knows that I'm already married to his Dad. If he doesn't know the word for something, he will make up a word for it and carry on as if nothing happened.

He's the bossiest four year old in the entire world. He aches to boss us around and sometimes we let him direct us in a game or lead us in a song. We've been referring to the remote control as the "ma-rote" in his honor for about 2 years now.

Under all of that insanity is a very sweet and careful boy. He doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, he's shy when he's not singing to the top of his lungs, and he hates to get into trouble. It doesn't always mean that he remembers to behave, but I think that is part of the territory when you are about to be four years old.

I'm so proud of my big kid. Happy Birthday, Punky Pie!

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T12:10:00.001-05:00

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Climb a rock wall

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes, I lost all of the baby Cade pregnancy weight.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, Shannon gave birth just a few days ago, and Kelly gave birth earlier in the year.

4. Where did you travel?

Quad Cities, we lived in Las Vegas, I took the kids to Phili, we went to my Mom's house for Easter, we traveled all over California. It was a very busy summer for traveling.

5. What was your biggest disappointment?

I still don't have a paddleboard.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A clean office (ha! this was my answer last year and it's still a problem)

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why

There isn't one date etched into my mind, but Dylan started school at Miami Country Day School this year, and that was a pretty big deal.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Losing all of that weight.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I have a lot of little failures everyday, but I can't pinpoint the biggest failure. You can't really focus on the failures as a Mom, you just have to keep moving forward.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No! This was a pretty healthy year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My gym membership!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Dylan.

As he grows up, he is getting more and more enjoyable. He has always been adorable and entertaining, but I really can enjoy him know for long periods of time without getting totally fed up and exhausted by him.

He's fully potty trained, he listens to us most of the time, and he's pretty easy to take out on errands. I love him dearly and I'm really proud of how much he's grown this year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one. I've managed to avoid jerks and creeps all year. There are people who depress me, but mostly they're strangers that I see who are suffering or caught up in something really crazy.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To the gym and workout clothes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Christmas. Dylan had Christmas fever the day after Halloween. It was fun putting up the tree, looking at toys and talking about it for about a month.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

"Strong Enough" by Mathew West

Dylan sings it in the car all of the time.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?

I would say I'm happier, because it's easier. It's not EASY yet, but much easier than life with an infant.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I had more time to spend with my friends.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

eating cookie dough

20. How did you spend Christmas?

watching the kids open gifts

21. What was your favorite TV program?

The Colbert Report

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I can't really say that I HATE anyone. It's just not worth it.

23. What was the best book you read?

Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

This was a fun year of getting back into pop music for me. The gym had a heavy hand in determining a lot of the new music that I listened to, actually Terrance McKinnon, the spin instructor at Equinox, pretty much determines my weekly playlist by whatever he's playing in class. I was happy to discover Florence and the Machine and Adele.

25. What did you want and got?

A membership to a gym.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

None. I finally watched the documentary film, "Very Young Girls" I highly recommend that.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I am 37. I spent the morning having coffee with my friends.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

a full time housekeeper

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Gym rat Mom

30. What kept you sane?

Timothy Keller Podcasts

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None. I could care less. As I grow into my marriage, the idea of being with someone else or fancying someone else is so disgusting.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

It's sad to say that political issues don't really push my buttons anymore. I'm pretty dedicated and focused on women's issues right now, especially women who are caught up in the sex industry, some by force, some by their own choice.

33. Who did you miss?

I miss my Mom.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

I met a lot of new people through Dylan's new school. They are all pretty cool, its too hard to pick a favorite.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

I won't ever be anywhere close to perfect. Someone will always be a faster runner, prettier, better cook, more professional, smarter, funnier and cooler than me. Most of those people are mothers at my son's school.

I just need to be me, and if I'm not the best "me" everyday, that's fine.

You can read these posts from 2008, 2009, and 2010 as well!

My heart sank

2012-01-01T11:33:00.003-05:00

This morning my blog was gone.

I typed my blog address into my broswer, and a blogger page came up saying that my blog had been deleted.

I couldn't believe it. All of that work, all of those memories, just gone. I have no back up of my blog, it's not stored in my computer (oh, but it will be tonight!), because I didn't think any of that was necessary anymore. Blogger is google, google is the cloud, my blog CAN'T disappear, right?

I don't know what the problem was, but here we are, after a change of password and a little bit of searching, we are back online and blogging.

I had all of these big feelings about New Years Eve that I wanted to post last night, but Dylan started vomiting and David got sick so I never really spent anytime with the laptop.

I hate New Years Eve.

It's never been one of my favorite holidays, because by the time it rolls around I'm ready for the holidays to be over and for life to get back to normal. By New Years Eve, I'm tired. It seems cosmically unfair to ask me to eat like I'm being fattened for slaughter from Thanksgiving through the end of December and then expect me to squeeze into a tight sparkly dress to attend a New Years Eve party.

Before I met my husband, I never had a good date for New Years Eve. They are all far too embarrassing to remember.

I had one of my miscarriages on New Years Eve. I spent the entire night on the couch crying and watching Dr. Zhivago.

The New Year is supposed to symbolize hope, renewal, resolution, change, but I can never seem to get the night before right.

All that being said, I am filled with hope and excitement. I have never been so excited for so many new Moms. It really is the first time that I'm excited for so many women to have babies. I don't want one, I'm not pregnant, and my littlest baby isn't really much of a baby anymore. I'm just genuinely happy for other people.

I find myself praying for these new Moms, moms-to-be and Moms on their third or fifth child with so much joy and gratitude that I don't even know who I am.

For so long I was the woman who desperately wanted a baby, and now I have enough of them, and I am just a Mom happy to watch other Moms go through it. It's a strange and welcome change.

Enjoying it, sort of.

2011-12-14T07:55:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been two months since I've posted anything on my blog. I guess its time for an update.

Cade is walking. He wants to get down and walk everywhere, and will run a little Frankenstein-type run if I chase him. He loves coming with me to drop Dylan off at school and would stay in Dylan's class all day long if I let him. The kids in Dylan's class all love the baby, and the teachers tolerate him walking around checking everything out. Between checking out Dylan's classroom, exploring the grounds of Miami Country Day and navigating our way out of the parking lot, I ends up taking me a good hour to drop Dylan off at school, but it's the highlight of baby Cade's day.

Cade is still a very easy baby, but he's dying to talk, so he screams at us a lot. He screams when he's hungry, thirsty, tired, and stops when you figure out what he's trying to tell you. Dylan did the same thing, but it's pretty shocking when Cade does it because we're used to him being such an easy baby. I try to roll with it, he's babbling a lot and I'm pretty sure that he will figure out how to say a few things very soon, so this screaming thing should be over any day now. Still, I'm pretty shattered by 5pm everyday from all of that screaming. I'm way to exhausted to learn and teach baby Cade sign language (the google solution to "baby screaming") and I'm pretty sure that parents who learn and teach sign language don't have a three year old like Dylan burning out the other end of their candle.

Cade loves going to the park, and we try to get there every other day. He climbs EVERYTHING and is learning to slide down the slides. He almost always has two or three little girls playing with him every time we're out. He's pretty easygoing with new kids, and they all seem to be drawn to him.

Dylan is enjoying school and doing pretty well. We have a few behavior set backs here and there, but I think that all comes with raising a boy with a strong personality. I tell myself that I'd rather have a dynamic pain-in-the-butt than a door mat. He can be exhausting, but he's definitely entertaining.

Oh, and...Dylan is in love.

He likes to talk about getting married, and for about 3 months he was going to marry Jade, a girl he knows from church. Jade is a little bit older than him, and they don't spend much time together, but Jade is extremely gorgeous and very sweet. He would talk about getting married, eating wedding cake and teaching Jade how to play the guitar. It was cute to listen to his "big plan" and we marveled at his imagination, because it wasn't anything we encouraged or ever talked about at home.

A couple of weeks ago, Dylan told me that he "switched who I'm going to marry" and now he's in love with Gaby, a girl from his class. His teachers tell me that he sits next to Gaby every single day, every activity, all day long. He talks to be about marrying Gaby all of the time, and I told him that he can't get married until he is forty. He tells me that he's almost 4-D now. I also advised him not to discuss marriage with Gaby, because he doesn't even have a job yet.

"My job is going to be playing 'Angry Birds'"

I told him that playing "Angry Birds" won't pay the bills and he might want to consider another field, so he's going to be a rock star.

I hate to sound like one of those crazy parents who thinks that their child is destined for really big things, but I would not be surprised if Dylan really did turn out to be a rock star. He plays his guitar all of the time. He's obsessive about music and knows the words to about 50 songs, most of them 3-4 minute long songs. He makes all of his friends play "rock band" with him and wants to wear his pajama bottoms to school instead of his uniform because they "look more like pants that a rock star would wear"

He told me that Gaby is going to have to learn how to play the banjo so that she can play in his band. I'll let his Grandpa tell him why you don't want your "old lady" to be in your band when he gets a little older.

Its all pretty cute and of course, extremely innocent. Gaby's parents find it pretty cute, and the teachers think it's sweet. I'm sure he'll be plenty embarrassed to read this when he is 17, and that is exactly why I'm blogging it.

I am wiped out every single night. Keeping up with the boys, sticking to a work out schedule, doing laundry, keeping the house organized, all of the little things that seemed so easy before kids are a struggle every single day. I see women running marathons and volunteering a ton at the school, raising money for great causes, and I feel like I am such a loser. I remind myself that there is a season for everything and right now I am doing the best I can. I'm not complaining, I have a good life, we are seriously blessed, but it knocks me out.

I took the day off on Sunday. I handed over control of the house and the little maniacs to David and I ran off for the entire day. I spent the morning at the bookstore drinking coffee and picking out books. After that, I wasted an entire afternoon walking the circle in Aventura. I walked about 10 miles, just listening to my ipod and tuning out the world. It was GLORIOUS, and I cannot recommend it enough. I hate the term "me time" because it sounds so ridiculously selfish, but that is exactly what I did.

The point of this blog was always to have a record, of the kids, of what we went through, of what it was really like. This season has been so hard, even though there are huge highlights everyday, and the kids are definitely entertaining, it's hard, and I'm not always quick to post about it because I don't want to sound like I am complaining.

I'm grateful for the kids, my husband, our life together. I see how people look at us and long for their kids to be little again. I try my best to enjoy it everyday, but to be completely honest, it's the hardest season I've ever been through. Little kids are a mess. They are demanding, grouchy, frustrating, and they don't always go to the bathroom where and when you want them too. They either eat like starving pigs or they don't eat at all, and you can never really tell what kind of night it is going to be, so you have to cook anyways.

They wake up in the middle of the night, the one time of day when you really should be allowed some peace and quiet.

I've worked for impossible bosses, I've worked on campaigns 14 hour days, 7 days a week, I've been under pressure and completely overworked, but nothing compares to this.

I know that it will get better really soon, and I know that I will be one of those parents with older kids cooing over the babies at the park saying, "enjoy it while you can, it all goes by so fast."

Baby Cade at one

2011-10-08T15:33:00.000-04:00

Baby Cade is the sweetest little one year old boy.

Like most one year old people, he is super curious about everything in the house. He likes to shake coffee tables, peek into dvd players, open books, and taste remote controls. He'd love to get his fingers inside an electrical outlet and figure out who is hiding in there, but we won't let him.

He likes to stand up against the glass doors in our living room and look out onto the bay, looking for dolphins, yelling at birds, daydreaming about someone taking him outside to swim in the pool. He loves to swim in the pool.He gives lots of kisses, really sloppy ones that make you feel like he's trying to eat your face off.

He gets pushed around a lot by his older brother, but he takes it all in stride. Sometimes he screams, and sometimes he crawls away and finds something else to play with. I'm still trying to figure out how to help them get along and play together, trying to teach Dylan that its not a competition to hoard all of the good toys in the house away from his brother.Cade is on the verge of walking. He stands up and rocks around, like he's thinking about it, but then he changes his mind and sits back down. I'm not in a hurry to see him walk, he's fast enough with the crawling.His favorite song is "Everyday" by Buddy Holly. I have it in the car and whenever we're out and he's tired and fussy, I put it on (CD 4, track 2) and he falls right asleep. He's fussy in the car 90% of the time that we have him in the car. At first I would say, "oh, we have to get home he's tired, (or hungry, or fussy)" but now I just realize that he hates being in the car. Hates it.He's a great sleeper, a great eater, and one of the happiest babies I've ever known. I keep telling myself to enjoy every second, because he's going to be a crazy two year old before I know it

Getting over myself.

2011-09-02T09:46:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, when the kids are snacking on some yogurt, happy in their highchairs, I fire up the computer and burn up minutes on facebook. Yesterday, I clicked a National Geographic link for "Photos we love-August" because I wanted to get a better look at a paddle boarder checking out a whale. If you know me, or you read my blog, you know that I'm pretty obsessed with paddle boarders, and that I want my very own paddle board.I clicked through the "photos we love" and landed on this

This Somalian baby died of malnutrition. Not AIDS, not malaria, not polio, but he died because he didn't have enough to eat.I imagine his Mom, unable to feed him, and then kissing his little face for the last time. I wonder if she begged for food, if she pleaded with God, and I wonder why God didn't spare her baby. And then I cried a whole bunch while pretending to go the bathroom so that I wouldn't freak out my kids.I went about the day, but the baby followed me around, and I couldn't shake my sadness for the poor people of Somalia. According to the National Geographic webiste, "the U.S. government estimates that famine and drought have caused the deaths of some 30,000 children in southern Somalia in the last 90 days" That's a lot of people dying because they don't have food. And here I am, throwing away penne pasta because Dylan licked all of the butter off of it, but he didn't want to eat anymore, and I don't know anyone who wants to eat pasta that has been licked by a three year old. So I scrape it into the trash muttering something about starving children in Somalia like a real grown up crazy mom person.I don't know what to do with whatever God is stirring up inside of me when I look at a photo of a baby who died of starvation. I know I'm supposed to care. I know I'm supposed to help and give where I can, and we do. I'm sure we don't do enough, and that we have way too much compared to the poorest people in the world, but I don't know what to do about that.I know that a lot of the food going to Somalia from NGOs was hijacked by a Islamist rebel group to feed their troops. So even if I donate to a group claiming to feed Somalians, there is a really poor chance that any Somalians will get fed out of that. I couldn't imagine living in a country that had a failed state and no food. I couldn't imagine the hopelessness and despair that those people must be feeling.I can't believe I live in a country with so much full of people complaining about having to pay taxes on the wealth that they have been blessed with. It blows my mind.And then, after a few moments of prayer and quiet time, I'm grateful. I'm so blessed to be able to feed my children. I'm blessed to know that whatever is happening is not all about me and how I feel about this baby, that God is showing me this picture of starvation to stir something up in me and remind me of desperation, to get my reaction so that I will want to be a blessing today instead of complaining about my dirty house or my difficult three year old.

Raising a Chinese Bamboo Tree

2011-08-08T21:11:00.005-04:00

I always told myself that I would NEVER complain about my kids. I HATED Moms who complained about their children.

"Don't they know what they have?"
"Don't they know I'd kill for those moments?"

I take that time, losing pregnancies, waiting for the next pregnancy, the longing, the despair, the desire, so deep in my heart that it consumed me, i take that time into these moments with my kids. The moments that feel like "Groundhog's Day", but not in a funny way, just a full day of Ned Ryerson, but I'm not allowed to punch Ned in the face, I have to just keep plugging along, disciplining, correcting, setting Dylan straight...again and again and again.

I'm encouraged by the Zig Ziglar Chinese Bamboo story* The Chinese bamboo seed lies dormant for its first few years. You care for it, watering it, protecting it, but you don't see any growth. Nothing happens for years, no reward for all of that care taking, but you just keep plugging along, taking care of that little seed. Then finally, it shoots up to the sky.

Some days Dylan doesn't seem to be making an inch of improvement on obeying me or listening to me. Today was one of those days.

All that work, no reward, but I know the reward is out there. I know that if I keep up with him, keep the TV off in the afternoon and make him play and share his toys, if I make him take a nap and go to bed at a decent hour, it will all pay off...eventually.

He loves to help out, and if I'm well rested and feeling fine, I can figure out easy chores for him that he loves, and our house runs smoothly. On days like today, I tell him, "you can help Mommy by playing quietly" and no one wins that one.

He's a fun, spirited kid. I know that his strong will and overpowering personality are cool traits to have, and I know that he didn't lick up the bossy pants gene** off of the floor.

He can be very sweet and sensitive. In fact, may of my friends who read this won't even believe what I'm typing. Dylan is the sweet nice boy who plays in the corner by himself until one of the girls rescues him to come and join the group, and its true, he rarely acts up in public. Its just with me, which makes me cry and wonder what is wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with me. Except that I'm his Mom, and I'm the safest place to act out, the safest person to test boundaries on, a punching bag, if you will.

*help me, I'm blogging in Amway parables

**somewhere, my mother is laughing to herself

Sweet little monsters

2011-06-28T22:04:00.004-04:00

We had a long trip, but I wouldn't call it a summer vacation. Vacation implies some sort of a break from work, and this was A LOT of work. David worked the entire time, and I felt like I was on double duty with two kids in a hotel room, or on a plane, or in a rental car trying to find the nearest Barnes and Noble with a train table.

To be fair, it was a little nice to get out of the house for a little bit, but I would have been happy with three or four days, not three or four weeks.

As I mentioned on this blog before, Las Vegas isn't my number one favorite city, and I guess I will leave it at that. We had some nice moments at the pool and checking out the trails out at Red Rock Canyon, but, wow, I'm so glad it's over.

The highlight of the trip, by far, was the Midwest League All Star Game in the Quad Cities. I didn't get to enjoy the parties, or the food, or the game for that matter, but Dylan had a blast rocking the bounce house and following around our friend Bob's dog. I tried my best not to have a pity party about missing all of the "fun", reminding myself that the real fun was at the bounce house, screaming at Dylan to get out and give some other kids a turn for a while.

Dylan is an excellent traveler and keeps asking me, "how many more times are we going on the airplane" Baby Cade grew a foot (maybe I'm exaggerating), and he is starting to crawl.

We're finding our new summer groove, Dylan started summer camp, Cade is learning his nap schedule again, and I'm figuring out how to keep the house in order without any help.

There are so many things that I have to get done everyday that don't feel like big accomplishments, clean the house, make dinner, keep Dylan from peeing himself, and keep baby Cade from getting trapped under the couch. These things keep me so busy and they totally wear me out. If I stop to think about it, I might have a mild pity party, because I am capable of doing so much more. I have a brain and I'd like to use it.

Today Dylan asked me the names of the members of the Fresh Beat Band, and I rattled them off while pulling the clothes out of the dryer. As I loaded the dryer with wet clothes, I thought to myself, "Ok, Mama, who is on the supreme court?" and I thought, counted them down, then I googled it to make sure I was right.

I got one wrong.

I know that my husband must sit on conference calls and hear our giggles over Lego robots and think, "must be nice to play with those kids all day" and that I really truly am lucky to have all of this time with them. It's just that sometimes, in the trenches, its like, whoa...

I'm realizing how spoiled I was with Narcisa around. How nice it was to go to the grocery store alone, how great it was to go to the gym in the middle of the day, and how completely wonderful it is to come home to a clean house and have no idea how it got that way.

I'm sad she's gone, but I'm realizing that we're entering a new stage and that right now, we don't really need her. I hope she's doing okay in Ecuador, and that she'll call us when she visits Miami.

Baby Cade is almost 8 months old

2011-06-04T00:28:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting here in a hotel room, laptop on top o' my lap, next to sweet sleeping baby Cade. What can I tell you? He is delicious.

No offense to his older brother, but baby Cade is the sweetest baby that ever walked the planet. He's happy all of the time. He's happy to take a nap, happy to eat, happy to play, happy to cuddle, and laughs out loud at nearly everything Dylan does.

He wakes up smiling and goes to bed happy, peaceful, totally blissed out and drunk on breastmilk.

This is all entirely true without an ounce of exaggeration...until last Sunday.

We took the kids with us on a little business trip, and Dylan is having the time of his life, but Cade is a little more than pissed off. I know he's getting teeth, and I know that he liked life the way it was, in Miami, at our house, sleeping in his quiet room in his $1,000 crib. Now he's in a Vegas hotel room banished to the pack n play. You'd be screaming, too.

So it is.

No one is napping. No one is sleeping through the night. But we party on, Vegas style. Bleary eyed at the pool, peeing ourselves on the strip (ok, just Dylan and Cade) and piling into bed together, no one really sure who has his arm around who...

We're making huge progress on some milestones out here. Dylan is really trying out the potty training thing, which is HUGE, because a few weeks ago we were having mexican standoffs about "just try the potty, just sit on it and you can have a marshmallow" We've had a few accidents, but I'm putting him in underwear and starting most of my sentences with, "Dylan, do you have to go pee-pee in the potty?"

Each time he pees in the potty, I grin ear to ear as if he just told me that he got into Harvard. It's that big of a deal.

Cade is sitting up with much more confidence, and I can leave him to play sitting up for a few minutes without worrying about him. He's scooting around on the floor, and I find him trapped under the desk or a chair whenever I leave him to play on the floor while I brush my teeth.

He only wants to eat solid foods which is pretty bold for a little person who doesn't even have his first tooth yet. We've been stuck eating out a lot lately, and so he started on mac n cheese WAY too early. He LOVES it (of course) and loses his mind when I give it to him.

Cade is SO into food. He gets ridiculously excited when he tries something new. He does the standard kicking his feet and jumping in the highchair, and if it's really good, he will moan "mmmm mmmm" over and over. Really loud. It's pretty funny.

Cade started on the sippy cup today, and he didn't quite know what to do with it. Once he figured out that there was water in it, he got pretty excited (it's pretty dry here, he's nursing so much I had to give him something), and I have to admit, I got a little jealous when he was making out with the sippy cup.

David and Dylan are at the Bellagio watching the water fountain. I expect them home any minute. It will be the most perfect day if Dylan comes home with dry pants.

Another one bites the dust...

2011-04-29T11:42:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about having help then going back to life without it. We were talking about the idea of putting her kids in pre-school, when she knows that she wants to homeschool them later on. Would it be harder to bring them home after she tasted the freedom of a few hours away from her children a few days a week?

I didn't think so, I mentioned that I think there is a season for everything, and that we have times when we need more help, and times when we can manage on our own.

And as is almost always the case, I had no idea that I was ministering to myself!

Narcisa went back to Ecuador a few weeks ago and we have no idea when or if she is coming back. It doesn't look like she's coming back to us, because she hasn't called or emailed, and her daughter replies to my emails with very cryptic answers.

I had one minute where I went into a panic and almost called a nanny placement agency, and then I thought about it, and I asked myself, "what did I need to do that was so pressing that I needed a nanny right away?"

I'm not working full time anymore, and my newborn isn't so newly born, he's almost 7 months.

Then it hit me, we really don't need her anymore...

So, I'm a little sad, Dylan loves her and keeps telling me that he's going to Ecuador to go find Narcisa. I just let him talk and don't really say anything except for the truth, "I don't know when she's coming back to Miami." I'm also sad because I wanted to train for a marathon, which is too much to do with David's travel schedule if I don't have a babysitter most mornings, but there will be plenty of time for all of that when Cade starts school in a few years.

Other than that, we're fine. The house is a mess, but we're fine.

Baby Cade

2011-03-29T22:17:00.000-04:00

My favorite child

2011-03-29T22:05:00.005-04:00

I find it hard to talk about baby Cade without gushing and talking in superlatives.

He is the most beautiful, most adorable, sweetest, cutest, really, truly the most perfect baby ever.

As soon as I let that out, I feel the need to back track, because I'm afraid that it implies something about his older brother. That somehow Dylan wasn't the most impressive child I've ever seen, because, honestly, how could two children be the best? Wouldn't one be more perfect than the other?

This is funny, because I remember being a little kid, and I was pretty sure that I was my mother's favorite. I was so responsible, I was easy to talk to, funny, cute, and really smart. How could my sister possibly stack up? I was also a wee bit competitive, so I would ask my Mom all of the time, "Mom, which one of us is your favorite?" and she would say, "you are both equally perfect in my eyes"

This drove me crazy because I wanted to know the truth. I had favorites, favorite dolls, favorite songs, favorite colors, so how could she love us both the same? Surely, one of us was better than the other.

But she insisted, everytime I asked, she loved us both the same, that we were so different but so precious to her in our own way, the same amount of love measured out for each of us.

And now that I'm I Mom, I know that it's completely true. So true that the idea of one of the children being better than the other sounds horrendous to me. They're both wonderful, perfect.

I can't even pinpoint a "favorite stage" because the minute I'm falling in love with my adorable baby, my amazing 3 year old says something so adorable, that I have to share it with the facebook nation.

Sure, there are times when I'd rather be with my entertaining three year old than getting pawed at and drooled on by my 6 month old, and there are times when I'd rather cuddle my sweet tiny baby than argue with Punky Pie, Esq. about getting into bed, but for the most part, I love them both the same, equally.

So there you go, Mom, I get it.

Not so fat

2011-03-23T20:59:00.002-04:00

I really hate being fat.

I've lost quite a bit of weight since having baby Cade, but I have some more to go and these last pounds are just killing me.

I don't want to buy any new clothes, because I know that I'm going to grow out of them in a few months as I lose these last pounds. And I hate wearing my fat clothes because they don't fit anymore and I'm tired of looking like a fat person. And Lord help us all if I try on some of my skinny clothes, because I might just throw myself onto the floor kicking and screaming like a two year old.

I grabbed a workout outfit and threw it into my gym bag yesterday. When I got to the gym, I was completely shocked by how tiny it was. I never ever thought of this outfit as a "skinny gym outfit" It has a long tank top and a pair of pants, which I remember wearing a lot.

Instead of thinking, "wow, I had a hot body all of this time and hardly knew it" I just thought, "oh crap, I can't walk out into the gym with this on, I look like a sausage" A sausage that was spilling out of it's casing.

Praise God, I had a maternity tank top stashed in the side pocket of my gym bag, so I covered up my shame and went to work out.

I shouldn't whine about it. I have a supportive husband, I have a gym membership and time to go there. I can afford to buy healthy foods and I know how to work it off and what foods to eat to get there. I'm a lot better off than a lot of people.

But it is so stinking hard.

My boy

2011-03-16T15:16:00.000-04:00

Thrift Store Thursday

2011-03-03T13:19:00.004-05:00

Back, by popular demand, Thrift Store Thursday.

I'm still trying to find my way through the mess of working in "working out" while still having enough time to get the kids outside, give them attention, and enjoy them while I can. I haven't been to the gym all week, but I've managed to rollerblade the kids to the park and back, and threw in some "chase Punky around the park" as well. It's not P90x, but it's something.

My rollerblades were pretty shot and I was considering taking them to the shop for new wheels and a good cleaning.

I went the the 118th Street Goodwill to drop off a whole bunch of fat clothes, and I found these beauties, BRAND NEW and in my size.

It is SO much easier to push 70 pounds of baby and stroller with new rollerblades. Dylan LOVES flying down the street, and Cade can tolerate it as long as he is well rested.

Happy Thrifting kids!

Don't let the tables run you

2011-03-01T21:57:00.003-05:00

"Don't let the tables run you" -- I can't tell you how many times I've said this to a dying waitress, or had some older waitress bark this at me. It's so true.

There are two ways to go about waiting on tables, you can run the tables... anticipate their needs and keep them on a schedule, or let them run you, have them bark at you sending you back and forth from the bar and the kitchen the whole night, leaving everyone in a bad mood.

Running the tables, once you learn it, is actually pretty easy. Couple sits down, make sure they have menus and get them something to drink. Couple orders food, make sure couple has utensils and napkins and that food comes out on time, hot and pretty. Couple finishes, give them check, pen and a big fat smile.

Same applies to the care and feeding of children.

My children have been running me. Baby Cade has been "feeding on demand" and demanding to be fed all the time. Dylan likes to snack 24/7 and passes out in the car for a nap. None of this is working for ANY of us, and I'm starting to have those nightmares that I'm scheduled to work in this HUGE restaurant, but I don't know what section I'm in or any of the table numbers. People are yelling at me and I'm completely confused.

Not anymore.

I started running the children this week. I made a schedule and taped it to the wall in the kitchen next to the TV.

I know it's not rocket science, and I know I'm not the first Mommy blogger to sing the praises of scheduling your kids, but, wow, it feels good to be in charge again.

Hi there, remember me?

2011-02-20T15:55:00.006-05:00

Baby is napping, Daddy and big boy are out on the town, so in a rare moment of peace and quiet...a blog post.

We need to find a new school for Dylan for next year, he's "aging out" of the Parent's Morning Out program, and very ready for Pre-K. I've been on school interviews and tours, it's the only thing that parents with children his age can seem to talk about these days. We are all so obsessed with finding the right place, and there is so much to factor in, "will he like it? will he learn? what are the other parents like? what kind of person will he become if he goes to this school versus that school?"

Seems like a lot of pressure to place on pre-k, but a lot of private schools start at pre-K and go all the way through high school (or at least the end of middle school), so this is a big commitment.

We have a school we love, but I don't bring it up much at the playground with other Mommies because 1. He hasn't been accepted there yet and 2. It is so outrageously expensive that some Mommies have a huge freak out if you even mention that school in front of them.

I don't blame them, it's obnoxious to spend a ton of money for preschool. I understand the hostility. So I try to be quiet (if you know me, you know this is the hardest thing for me to do!) and gather information about our alternatives.

Dylan is in a really cute stage right now, he loves to help with ANYTHING and pretends to do chores all of the time. He loves to cook and washes his baby doll whenever I wash Cade. Grandma taught him to wash his car, and now his car is dirty all of the time and we have to go outside and wash it constantly.

He is still really into music and plays his guitar for us several times a day.

Cade is halfway between little bitty infant and a big baby boy. He's only four months and has yet to learn to eat cereal from a spoon. He loves breast milk and would probably breast feed exclusively for 20 years if I was into that sort of thing. We keep at the cereal thing, he makes a huge mess, he goes straight from cereal to bath, in fact, I think we'd make less of a mess if I dumped the bowl of cereal on his face, but he's learning, and we never feed him on the carpet, so its all good.

David has lots of plates in the air, and while it's not as crazy as the campaign season, it somehow seems to be crazy at our house all of the time.

I have been working out and trying to stick to a diet so that I can get back into my old clothes. Working out with little kids is so hard. I don't know how I'd do it without full-time help (I know that sounds completely obnoxious, stick with me). I'm tired from getting up in the middle of the night to breastfeed, and I'd really prefer to hang out with my kids at the park and leave Narcisa here to clean and get dinner ready, because that is a dream life, right?

I feel like every weekday I SCRAMBLE to get it together to get out the door by 1pm so that I can get to the gym and work out and shower by a certain time so that I am not driving home in awful traffic.

I have very few work-type responsibilites, mostly keep up with our rental properties, current home, kids doctors appointments and maintain the filing. Most of that can get done in an hour or two every morning. I have to feed Cade a lot in the morning so that he will nap and won't drive Narcisa crazy while I'm working out (he doesn't like the bottle, even if its full of breastmilk).

Narcisa is great, but she mainly cleans and plays with the kids while I'm gone, I still have to manage the laundry, the cooking and the big picture cleaning projects (like decluttering, which is constant at our house). I still have to be the Mom, in charge of everything at the house, which is a lot of work.

I look at some of my friends, Moms who travel for work, and who have jobs that require late hours and I don't know how they do it all. I know most of them have older kids, and that this stage of life is very different and requires a lot of more out of a Mom, so I try to relax about it all.

I have to tell myself that it is going to all work out. That it is possible for me to re-enter the grown up workforce someday. That God has a plan for me and that plan probably won't involve me swimming upstream for my entire life. (but if it does, then so be it)

I'm not complaining at all, but it's a mad scramble to leave the house feeling like I'm somewhat on top of it, and I could have a much easier time if I gave up on the gym thing.

FAT CHANCE.

I HATE being this fat. I don't fit into anything that I like. Right now I have one pair of jeans that fit. I can sort of squeeze into a few pairs of shorts, but it isn't pretty. I have about 14 pounds to go until I get into most of my clothes, and it should take me a few months to get there.

I hold my 17 pound baby and marvel that I will lose that much weight this year.

It's hugely depressing to be on a diet, and pretty much impossible to resist the treat table at church. I'm doing my best, some days much better than others.

I'm slowly training myself to get back to the workout queen that I used to be, but it's hard. It's so much harder this time than when I ran off my baby weight from Dylan. Running 11 minute miles on the treadmill for 16 minutes makes me feel like a lazy, fat old hag.

But in my head I know that 16 minutes becomes 20 minutes next week, and then 4 miles a few weeks later, and that by October, I will be running my 20 mile lap at lighting speed around the causeways of Miami Beach.

That's the plan.

Gotta go. Cade's up.

I blame Facebook

2011-01-21T11:38:00.002-05:00

My poor, neglected blog. We used to be so close. I'd log on every day, throw out some cute story, banter with my readers, post lots of cute pictures, it was so fun...

Now its a chore. I'm hardly ever here. I'm somewhere else. I'm on Facebook.

By the time I get around to my blog, I've said it all already. It's up on Facebook...with a million-billion comments from people I used to know in high school, or waited tables with in college, or worked with on some campaign years ago.

Not only is Facebook destroying my blog, but it's making me stupid.

I used to read articles from New York Times on my phone, now I just read comments that people make when someone posts a cute picture of their dog. I am becoming a useless, boring, ridiculous facebook addict. I need to stop.

I have so much I want to talk about on the blog, but so little time to sit down and write. I feel torn between the mess upstairs (I AM making progress, but it's still not completely organized), nursing the baby, giving Dylan attention and working out. If I can manage to give those people attention (David's office, my kids, my body) in a day, it's a darned miracle, so fitting in the blog, well, it just doesn't happen.

It's just a season, right?

It's a crazy season.

We're starting to look at our preschool options for Punky and I've narrowed it to two schools. We're doing tours this week, and we have to make up our mind soon for next fall. It's a huge thing for us, and I can't believe how fast he went from being a baby to worrying about which school to send him to.

I have a praise report for you. DYLAN IS EATING VEGETABLES.

I know. Can you hear the angels singing?

I tried EVERYTHING. I tried Jessica Seinfeld's book "Deceptively Delicious", I tried Mexican standoffs, I tried bribery, name it, suggest it, I tried it.

So I gave up. Then I prayed for my son's health and asked God to show me what to do. I relaxed. I figured I'd try again when he gets really into sports and he's old enough to have a good conversation about nutrition.

Then at Whole Foods I had an idea to pay the smoothie guy a visit and ask him for a recipe. Something with vegetables that any child would eat. It worked. Let me share it with you.

Dylan's Spinach Smoothie

1 handful of fresh spinach (I use baby spinach that I buy in the bag)
3 bananas
1 cup almond milk
handful of ice cubes
1/4 of avocado

The avocado gives the shake a smooth consistency, like ice cream, and the shake tastes like bananas. You can also add a little dash of cinnamon.

Feeling bold, I tried another smoothie recipe that I gleaned from "Real Simple" magazine

1 banana
1 cup orange juice
2 carrots
1/2 cup frozen Pineapple

He likes this one too.

Baby Cade at Three Months

2011-01-14T09:38:00.003-05:00

What can I say? Baby Cade is a DREAM baby.

He has the sweetest little personality. He likes to smile, coo and he tries to talk to me late at night when it's time for bed. He's not easily rattled and will play quietly in the bouncy chair while I make dinner, tend to his older brother or work in the office. He doesn't mind entertaining himself, as long as I'm close by. All Cade wants is to be fed on time and burped after feeding.

I wonder if this is part of his personality, or part of the whole "birth order" thing.

Cade LOVES his older brother and is all smiles when Dylan gives him attention. Cade and I will sit in Dylan's room and watch him play cars or trains, Dylan loves all of the attention and Cade loves to watch Dylan play.

Cade is a BIG boy. He weighs almost as much as Dylan did at 3 months and he is very long, 26 inches! At 3 months!

I'm starting to pack up the newborn and 0-3 month clothes and wondering if I will ever pull them out again.

He is starting to sleep through the night, and hopefully he'll be moving into his crib soon. He prefers to sleep a little upright in his bouncy chair, and it's been convenient having him next to the bed for late night feedings, but I really need to get both kids in their own rooms soon. Our house is like one big slumber party with the kids and I'm a little tired of it.

Everyone says that Dylan and Cade look exactly alike, and I see what they're saying, but I also think that they're so different.

See for yourself...

Dylan at three months

Cade at three months

Out of the Sinking

2011-01-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Dylan!

2011-01-11T19:03:00.004-05:00

photo credit: Shannon Mills

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

2011-01-10T10:58:00.001-05:00

We just celebrated Dylan's third birthday. What started out as a simple gathering at the tot lot sort of snowballed into an all out Thomas the Tank Engine themed bash, I might have gone a little overboard, but I was just so happy to celebrate surviving the terrible twos!

Dylan is becoming a really great little kid. He's fun to play with and very entertaining. (and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom).

He likes to pretend that there are monsters in the house. We run and hide from the monsters, sometimes I call Buzz Lightyear on my cell phone and ask him to come and rescue us, and other times we offer the monsters pretend candy to go away.

We bought Dylan a guitar for his birthday and he is IN LOVE. He strums his guitar and sings "Out of the Sinking" by Paul Weller. I hope to get some video of that to the blog ASAP.

All of the terrible two stuff seems to be over. He takes the threat of "time out"very seriously, and chooses to obey us most of the time. He might try to negotiate a better deal every chance he can get, but he's pretty much through with throwing himself on the ground and causing a big scene if he's upset about something.

He's very smart and enjoys learning new words. I'm really impressed with his language skills and happy that he loves words so much. We call him our little "Renaisance Man" because he loves art, music and literature. (if you can call "Green Eggs and Ham" literature)

He still likes to snuggle his lamby/CC, but he doesn't really need him to go EVERYWHERE all of the time anymore.

He's grown into his role as big brother, and sometimes he tells me that Cade is his baby and not my baby anymore.

I'm pretty amazed at how big and cool he is already. Happy Birthday, Punky Pie!

A body not my own

2011-01-10T10:46:00.002-05:00

My post pregnancy body is really dragging me down.

I HATE being fat. You can be sweet and say, "relax, you just had a baby, you'll be fine" and I can hear you, but I can't really HEAR you. I am not a good fat person. It takes me three to four outfits to get ready to take my son to school in the morning because I can't believe how bad I look and I know that if I just try a little harder, I can probably look decent before I walk out of the door.

With Dylan, I started running it off right away. I was obsessed on fitting back into my jeans, and I ran off all 70 extra pounds, one mile at a time. I'd like to start running again, but it's much more difficult to do this time around, everything hurts. I'm so tired, and looking at a marathon training chart does not excite me. In fact, it's down right depressing.

I joined a gym, and going to the gym is my biggest luxury. If I time my day right, I can go to the gym during the week when Narcisa is here and not cause my family too much grief. I know that if I go to the gym regularly, eat a lot more veggies and a lot fewer cookies, I will fit back into my clothes. I know that by summer, I will look decent enough to get dressed without crying.

I know that when I get out of this funk and look back at this time, I will see how fast the time went by and laugh at how silly I am being right now, but I still can't shake being a sad fat person.

On a lighter note, Dylan is turning three tomorrow. A big boy birthday post is in order.

Happy New Year

2011-01-05T09:52:00.005-05:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Make a TV commercial while David was out of town.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't do new years resolutions. I hoped to lose weight and go to the gym, but I got pregnant in early 2010, so THAT didn't happen.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I GAVE BIRTH!

4. Where did you travel?

Quad Cities, Philadelphia and San Diego

5. What was your biggest disappointment?

That's tough. I had a ton of minor frustrations, but no major disappointment. It was a HARD year. Terrible twos, lots of puking through pregnancy and a ton of work.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A clean office

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 7, 2010. Baby Cade was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not completely losing my mind. It was a challenging year.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Letting Punky sleep in our bed. He probably won't leave our bed until college.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I threw up for about 5 months. It was worth it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My brand new Lexus.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Dylan. While he was pretty awful all summer, he grew into a nice little man by the end of the year. He is taking the whole "big brother" thing very well, and he is a great boy and fun to hang out with.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Dylan. Terrible twos were indeed terrible. So glad that stage is over.

14. Where did most of your money go?

All of our money goes into building our baseball empire.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Baby Cade!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

"sowing the seeds of love" by tears for fears
It's Dylan's #1 favorite song. We listen to it at LEAST 6 times a day. Sometimes we watch the video on YouTube. He LOVES it. It's a 6 minute song, and he knows every word.

David and I went to the Tears for Fears reunion tour concert this summer and it was AWESOME.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?

the same...happy

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

clean the office

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

eat

20. How did you spend Christmas?

watching Punky open all of our gifts and play with his new garage

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Our TV has been invaded by the Wiggles. I hate TV.

I watched "Arrested Development" on Netflix in the hospital and the first month that I was home. I LOVED it. So glad I missed it when it orignally aired, because it was SUCH a TREAT.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I can't really say that I HATE anyone. It's just not worth it.

23. What was the best book you read?

I don't even remember. I read books from the library all of the time, but none stand out as spectacular. Looking forward to reading Laura Hillenbrand's new book, Unbroken, I'm next in line for it at the library.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That my son can memorize the words to a song in just a day or two.

25. What did you want and got?

Another baby!

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

I have no clue. I haven't been to a movie theater in 3 years.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I am 36, and I spent the day feeding my fresh-out-of-the-oven son.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

an assistant for David

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Goodwill maternity

30. What kept you sane?

I loved listening to podcasts.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None. I could care less. As I grow into my marriage, the idea of being with someone else or fancying someone else is so disgusting.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Health Care. Wish we could all buy into the Federal Employee Health Care program. Wish that people who owned small businesses could get affordable health care. Wish that it didn't cost $2,000 to go to the ER for some IV fluids.

33. Who did you miss?

I miss my Mom.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

Baby Cade!

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

I learned to plow through. Even when it seems impossible, just plow through and take care of the most important things. The rest will fall into place.

I'm reading a book with quotes from Mother Theresa, and I'm going to paraphrase here, but she says that God is infinite love and wisdom. And he made you.
Something about that struck me, and I thought I'd share it.

You can read these posts from 2008 and 2009 as well!

Thankful, really, I am...

2010-11-24T22:38:00.004-05:00

I haven't been blogging much at all lately.

For starters, I'm so tired. Then, there are all of those neglected chores screaming my name. (like a 1/2 finished post-licensing course) And then there is the older boy, because it would be a shame to have a few minutes away from my little boy and not spend those minutes fawning all over Dylan. And then there's that poor neglected husband that needs tending to. If I can somehow manage all of that, I might even get around to showering and/or brushing my teeth. (maybe)

So, big apologies to the blog (and its faithful readers).

But I was sitting on the couch, looking at a really beautiful Christmas tree, thinking about how I don't want to forget how wonderful it is. Even though I'm super tired, and even though Dylan is testing my nerves every single day, it's still really wonderful.

Cade is BEAUTIFUL. He is such a beautiful little baby, and he looks at me with these eyes that say, "mama, I love you" (or maybe he's just asking for more food, but whatever, it's lovely) I am madly in love with this little newborn, and I don't mind at all that he keeps me up ALL OF THE TIME and that he wants me to hold him 24/7 (he is lying in my lap as I type this).

Dylan is getting ridiculously cute. He has SO MANY words. He says the cutest little things, I feel like I should carry around a video camera and tape his every move. Tonight he was having a moment with his Lamb, CC, telling him all about the Christmas tree. He talks with so much expression and emotion, which can be unbearable during a tantrum, but is SO STINKING CUTE when he's being his adorable self. I used to watch movies of adorable little children and think, "well, that's nice and scripted, no kid is THAT CUTE", but my kid is.

David has been a rock star Dad and husband. He worked his tail off this year, and he is spending his well-deserved vacation spoiling his wife and children.

I have a wonderful lady that comes over to our house 5 days a week to help me keep the house clean and play with Dylan.

I have a new car, and it has NAVIGATION. Not just navigation, but a button to press that calls someone and I can ask that person to look up an address for me and she will send it to the car's navigation. "Where is the closest Starbucks???" "I'm pulling that up for you right now, Mrs. Heller, it should be in your car's navigation in just one second"

I know that I should be thankful everyday, and I try, but tonight, on the eve of Thanksgiving, I am OVERWHELMED with a feeling of gratitude, for my family, my health and a pantry full of coffee.

Lord, you have blessed us so much. Thank you.

Flying by the seat of our pants

2010-11-13T17:00:00.007-05:00

David and I are not big planners.

We have plans, dreams and goals, but little details always seem to work themselves out enough that we don't really stress about them. David is WAY worse about this than I am, and I remember that he joked when we were dating that he needed a woman to "handle logistics".

When we were young and single, this worked to our advantage, we were always available when someone had an extra ticket to a game or show, and usually ended up getting "last minute deals" at a discount or for free.

It also meant that we never paid a "cancellation fee" for changing our reservations at the last minute.

Now that we have kids, we've had to make BIG ADJUSTMENTS, but old habits die hard.

We've known for a long time that David would be speaking at a conference in Palm Beach this weekend. We debated whether to go as a family or have David go up alone. As of last week, the kids and I were going to join him, but then I got sick and decided to bag a vacation if it meant spending the night in a room with my infant waking up my toddler every 2 hours all night while throwing up 24/7.

But then I got better and around 11pm Thursday night I told David that we were coming. We woke up the next morning, and I pulled out my suitcase and threw in some infant diapers. I walked into the kitchen and David said, "we have to leave in an hour" It took me 3/4 of that hour to get Punky fed and dressed, and before I knew it, we were in the car, freaking out about making it to the hotel in time for David's scheduled speech.

I left my diaper bag, my wallet, my bottle of water and Punky snacks on the kitchen counter. I packed clothes for one night and we were staying two. I was wearing and packed jeans to wear at a fancy resort with a dress code.

We arrived at the Breakers with plenty of time to spare for David's conference. We checked into our room, which is on the club level, where they serve plenty of Punky snacks all day long.

The kids and I roamed the hotel and tested the limits of gift shop toy testing and public breast feeding (forgot my hooter-hider at home too!)

We explored the pool, the arcade, the kids room, and every single restaurant on campus. David finished his conference and took Dylan to the pool. David had a dinner that night, and the kids and I went out for spare diapers and french fries.

Today was a complete family day, and while were a little tired and cranky due to baby Cade's late night munchies, we're having a blast.

Dylan has been very busy keeping our club-level butler occupied, and David found a great pair of "flip flops" to replace the casual shoes he left at home.

No, I'm not pregnant...just fat

2010-10-18T22:14:00.004-04:00

I went to the dentist today. A woman in the waiting room asked me if I was pregnant.

It's an easy mistake. I still look pregnant. My belly sticks out, not in that muffin top kind of way, but that pregnant way that starts at the bottom of your chest and goes down to your belly button. It might be cute at 5 or 6 months, but it's downright depressing at 11 days postpartum.

I know better than to get upset about it. I lost all of the weight that I gained with Dylan and I have every confidence that I will lose the weight again this time. Also, I gained LESS weight (about 20 pounds less weight) this time than last time, so I'm fairly certain that I look less like a slob than I did when I had Dylan.

My friend Shannon (my c-section buddy) gave me a disk of photos today. There were some photos from the delivery on the disk, and one in particular that made me think, "WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?" when she took this picture, when she selected it to share with me, when she didn't AUTOMATICALLY DELETE IT FROM HER COMPUTER???

...but now I see the genius in it. I can frame this photo and place it on my vanity, and each time I face a bad hair day, a water retention moment, or another "I have nothing to wear!!!" morning, I can face this photo and smile knowing that it could be SO MUCH WORSE.

Dylan and Cade

2010-10-18T13:59:00.002-04:00

Birth Story, Cade edition

2010-10-09T07:59:00.004-04:00

I don't even know where to begin.

Since this is on my blog, I will try not to rehash the entire VBAC debate, but update you just a little. I met with the VBAC doctor on Monday. He was GREAT, we had a nice long visit, and I felt pretty comfortable with him and his ability to assist me in a successful VBAC. He handed me few forms to look over and sign, and I took the "informed consent" form home, just to make sure David completely understood the risks with VBAC.

David took one look at the consent form and the VBAC discussion was pretty much over. I was more than a little disappointed that he wasn't on board with the VBAC thing, considering that I'd talked his ear off about it for months and just kept hearing, "whatever you want" in reply. Anyone who reads my blog has figured out that I wasn't making this decision lightly, and that getting everything lined up to use the new doctor wasn't easy.

I didn't fight with him, and I didn't blog about it. I just prayed for a whole lot of grace to accept the c-section and prayed that our old doctor would take us back into his practice (my old doctor practices at a hospital that is close to our house). I called the doctor's office on Tuesday, and they asked me to come in on Wednesday for a check-up.

I went in for my check-up and everything looked great. We were able to get our old c-section date locked in (October 18th) and I let the VBAC thing go.

The next morning I woke up with a ton of contractions and cramping. David took care of Dylan that morning and I slept in until about 8am. After the nanny showed up, I ran to the grocery store that morning and kept feeling contractions that would stop me in my tracks as I raced around picking up little things we're always running out of.

The woman at the deli counter looked at me and said, "Girl, that baby done dropped, you gonna have that thing today"

I laughed and said, "maybe..."

David and I drove into work and I told him about the contractions, they were consistently 10 minutes apart, and my obgyn had made it clear that I needed to call him and come in for monitoring if I ever had more than 6 contractions in an hour.

I was so conflicted on these instructions because on the one hand, I know early labor can take a long time, and I didn't feel like I was in any danger because I wasn't bleeding and my water didn't break yet, but on the other hand, the whole reason we were going back to the scheduled c-section was to avoid the dangers of going into labor with a c-section scar.

So I tried not to think about it and worked. David and I were in total labor denial all morning until about 2pm when I strolled into his office and told him that they were getting closer together, longer, consistent and stronger. David was still thinking that I could go home and put my feet up and this would all go away, and I was pretty sure that I was going into the hospital.

The saddest part to the story is that David was headed to the airport for something that he absolutely had to do. The last few weekends of any campaign season are always filled with filming shoots. These final shoots are scheduled at the last minute to respond to an opponents ad. If a campaign is willing to put money into a new commercial rather than throw more money into the ad they already have at the last minute, it's because they have to, and David HAS to be there.

So David went to the airport, and I went to the hospital.

They gave me some fluids to see if they could stop the contractions and I just sat there waiting, hoping that I could just go home, hooked up to monitors as the contractions got stronger.

I didn't want to call anyone, because I held out hope that this was a false alarm until the very end. I had a friend on standby to come up to the hospital and be my c-section buddy, and I had my Mom in suspense all afternoon.

Around 9pm, they wheeled me into the operating room and I was still in total disbelief. I couldn't possibly be having a baby without David there, it seemed so...awful. Shannon and I prayed for my safety, the baby's safety, and for David, who was just crushed that he couldn't be there.

It wasn't awful.

The mood in the operating room was so happy and wonderful. They were playing Bob Marley. My c-section buddy, Shannon, was a star and kept me entertained and comfortable. The doctor found a "window" on my uterus and Shannon took a photo of it. My uterus had thinned out enough that they had a window to see through the uterus and look at the baby.

This sounds like a cool little c-section party trick, but it's actually quite dangerous, and
it's very possible that God was speaking straight to David's heart about the VBAC and we might have been spared some kind of tragedy. We'll never know, but I feel very comfortable with the way things worked out.

Cade is just perfect. He seems so different from his older brother, but they look a lot alike. I'm too tired and hazy to really describe him or explain how he is different, he just IS.

We're recovering well and hoping to go home tomorrow.

Another Man in My Life

2010-10-09T02:30:00.002-04:00

Cade Ryan Heller
7 pounds 14 oz
Cute as can be

Birth Story details later.

VBAC update...

2010-09-28T20:16:00.002-04:00

In one of my earlier VBAC-related posts, I kind of ragged on the ladies over at ICAN. I thought they were a little too militant, and I didn't really identify with them. But now, I get it. Getting a VBAC in South Florida is really hard.

First, you have to get all of your medical records together and get them to the doctor who MIGHT accept you for VBAC.

This means that you have to tell your current doctor that you are considering switching doctors and that you need your records. I did this about a month ago, and it was hard. He tried to talk me out of it, and I might have caved if I was in his office, but thankfully, I did it over the phone.

My doctor sent the records, but the hospital did not. I have called and faxed authorization forms and begged and pleaded for Mt. Sinai to send my new doctor my records, and they keep telling me that they have, or that it is being processed, or to resend the authorization form and they'll send it again. I have checked, double checked and re-checked my new doctor's address and fax number a million times.

I am three and a half weeks away from my due date, and I still don't have a doctor, because the doctor needs to read my operation report from the previous c-section to consider me, then I get an appointment, THEN he's my doctor.

I was officially fed up this morning and drove over to Mt. Sinai. I wondered through the many sponsored halls, pathways and elevators until I found the medical records office. I explained my situation and the woman at the counter said, "Honey, why would you want to do that? Do you have any clue how painful childbirth is? Go for the c-section."

Not wanting to argue or make a pregnant lady scene, I just said, "May I PLEASE have a copy of the report?"

When I got to my car, I sat in the driver's seat and prayed for a very long time. Am I making a stupid decision? Why all of these obstacles? Oh, man do I need some wisdom and discernment here....

I drove the report up to the new doctor's office and hopefully they will call me tomorrow to schedule an appointment. I haven't been to the doctor in over a month, which is strange, because with Dylan, I must have gone to the doctor every week for check ups in the last two months.

I'm sure that everything is fine, but it would be nice to have a doctor. Especially after last week.

Last week I had some major Braxton-Hicks action that scared the daylights out of me. All I could think was, "Ok, God, I'm contracting and I don't have a doctor, what in the heck am I supposed to do now?"

I called the VBAC doctor's office and they informed that that I wasn't really his patient yet, because they were still waiting on a report from Mt. Sinai. Then I called my former doctor and he asked me to go to the hospital right away. I talked it over with my husband and a good friend who is a midwife, and David and I agreed that it wasn't really an emergency that called for a trip to the hospital unless my water breaks.

My water didn't break. I didn't even bleed. This child has my sense of humor, he's in there snickering, "ha-ha! Gotcha Mommy!"

To be safe, I've been taking it easy when I can. I want the baby to come, and I'm excited to meet him, but the closer to my due date, the better. With Dylan, I was so anxious and ready to meet him, and with this one, I want to meet him, but if he can wait until his Daddy is just a little less busy with work, that would be okay with me.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-09-16T20:13:00.003-04:00

It's been a while, TST fans, I know. Yesterday, I had a meeting outside of the office and went home early, so I took advantage of my nanny and made a pit stop at the Goodwill on 79th street.

Nothing good in the maternity section, NOTHING in infant clothes, so I wandered back to toys (which is usually pretty dry) and BEHOLD! Exactly the puzzle mat that I wanted for Dylan's new school area/artist's studio that is set up in our dining room.

Our dining room and kitchen are really one big giant space (about the size of my first apartment), and the dining area has this little nook that was designed to be a bar. We haven't finished the area (the bar has a wine cooler, an ice maker and a really nice sink that is still in the box...we still need to buy cabinets, a counter top and have it all put together).

Since Dylan dropped out of pre-school, I set up the area for "classtime" with his tutor, because, honestly, the last thing we need in our house is a bar. I wanted one of these puzzle mats (to absorb paint, glitter, etc), and I was sure I'd find it during one of my thrift store shopping sprees.

$6, everything is clean and in awesome condition

Happy Thrifting my friends.

Working Girl

2010-09-09T06:37:00.002-04:00

The sparkle is starting to fade on my working girl experience.

I know plenty of Moms who regularly work 12 hour days, so I'm going to do my best not to whine, but I had no idea it was going to be this hard. I'm also starting to get that final trimester fatigue. It's coming at me like a ton of bricks this weekend.

It's not the work, I LOVE the work. Even when my husband is freaking out or being BEYOND picky about something that I thought through a million times, I LOVE the work. I don't even mind the hours. I've always been one to stay late and make sure everything gets done.

I just miss my son SO MUCH.

I'm the one who puts him to bed. I'm the one who chooses his meals and feeds him. I'm the one who gives him a bath. Farming it out seems so weird.

Sure, a break is nice, and we've had babysitters, we even went on a vacation last January, but this is different. I'm gone, and his Dad is gone, and someone else is running the show at home.

I'm so thankful that we have someone very capable, caring and loving to work for us and be with Dylan all day. She does my laundry and puts it away, she loads and unloads the dishwasher, and my son has lots of fun with her. He gets excited when she walks in the door in the morning, and if I sneak out, the whole process is relatively tear free.

Still, for the past few days, when the clock hits 6pm, and I know that Dylan's day is starting to wind down, it kills me. I start to cry. I waddle down to the bathroom, make sure no one is in there, and just burst into tears. Then I wash my face, and go back into work.

I'm sure all Moms face this when they start back to work. Then they settle into a routine and everyone is fine.

I'm really blessed in that I get to do this cool job with some cool grown-ups for a short season, then I get to go back home and be a Mom. Trying to keep that perspective when I'm ready for a nap at 3pm everyday!

Breaking up is hard to do

2010-09-08T21:07:00.005-04:00

I broke up with my doctor today.

After months of researching, praying, talking, blogging and more praying, I have decided to go for the VBAC.

I had a c-section scheduled for next month, but I've been DREADING it. Dreading getting cut open, dreading being drugged up after, dreading the recovery, and thinking that this was just how it had to be, because my options for VBAC seemed so limited.

I also wanted to be a good patient and didn't want to put any personal birthing goal ahead of God's plan for us (thus all the praying). I also didn't want to force my husband to go along with something that we didn't know that much about.

So I read a lot. I went to the ICAN website and got a little scared off from VBAC. I didn't identify with the women who were super active on those message boards. They were all so anti-doctor, and I'm not. Being a doctor is a brutal job. They see a lot of really terrible scary stuff and try their best to control situations to have the best possible outcomes. On balance, they're good people.

I dropped off from the ICAN universe and dove into the NIH conference on VBACs. If you have 20 hours of late night computer gazing to waste of the next few weeks, I highly recommend it.

I couldn't find doctors saying that a woman in my position (one c-section, low scar, good health) should not attempt labor. In fact, there were quite a few doctors saying that women should attempt a "trial of labor" and so the VBAC doors opened up even more.

At my last OB visit, I had a long talk with my doctor about the VBAC. He went into great detail about the type of tearing that can happen to the "v" in the "vbac". He offered to refer me to a VBAC doctor at Jackson Hospital, but I declined. I didn't want to have my baby at that hospital. It spooked me. We scheduled the c-section.

Still, the VBAC tugged at me. Late an night, googling from my phone in bed, trying to find out more, reading about VBACs, reading about tears, reading about uterine ruptures.

Uterine ruptures are ugly and dangerous and nothing to be flippant about.

I talked with my friends about it when I could. I have been really busy lately and haven't seen them around too much, and most of my friends, while they probably have strong opinions on the subject, would just listen and nod, knowing this was MY decision and trying their best not to influence me too much.

I have a friend who is a midwife and a strong advocate for VBAC, and even she didn't meddle or push me, she gave me her two-cents after I solicited it, and kept her distance while I mulled it all over.

At some point on Sunday it all just turned around for me. I knew that I wanted to try the VBAC and I really wanted to move forward. I thought that I would just get a referral for the Jackson Hospital VBAC doctor at my next OB appointment, and resolved to do it that way. I was thinking, I can find out about that doctor, and then maybe my doctor could do a c-section if I was somehow not fit for VBAC.

I ended up going in a totally different direction with a different doctor who completely supports VBAC. It all happened kind of fast, but it felt like the right move for me. This doctor is at a great hospital that is a little far, but not too far, and he comes highly recommended by people I trust.

I didn't really want to make that call to my doctor's office to transfer all of my medical records to the new doctor, but I had to do it to get the ball rolling. My doctor called me right away to talk me out of it...the same doctor who was willing to write me a referral to VBAC at Jackson two weeks ago.

Nothing has changed for me health-wise in the last two weeks.

His reaction made the break up a little easier. I didn't feel concern from his end, I felt condemnation. I started to get where those wacky chicks on the ICAN boards were coming from.

So, here I am, on the blog, public about the VBAC decision. I'm prepared for anything. It could hurt like heck (probably will), I could end up with a c-section anyway, anything could happen, and some of those unknowns are awful to consider, but the unknowns are out there on a c-section too.

I'm ready to go with the flow on this one.

I'm so good at my Sandwich!

2010-09-03T21:48:00.002-04:00

Dylan is getting so big. He is thrilled to be home from pre-school and would probably be happy to never ever go back to school again. I'm not sure how long his journey into home-school will last, but for now, he is doing well with the Spanish tutor (Paula) and knows the words to some spanish songs, knows his colors in spanish, counts in spanish and is aware that he's learning another language. Unfortunately, he refers to that second language as "sandwich"

As in, "I'm so good at my sandwich mama!" I tried working with him on that word, and he can say, the "sp" sound, and he can say the "anish" sound, but when we put them together, his little brain goes straight to "sandwich"

After months of testing me on everything and some epic tantrums, he's getting used to the idea that he might not always get his way. He's still pretty bossy, but he can be handled if we give him a choice, as in, "You can either get up here and get your pjs on, or you can go into time out, it's your choice" and so he crawls up onto the bed and gets his jammies on...and we exclaim, "wow, that was a good choice!" He loves it.

I'm also getting better at using a Mom voice, one that says, "this lady isn't kidding around"

We are entering into the craziest time of year for David's political consulting business, and I've been working for my husband full time for the past week. We'll probably have to bring on another person, because I'm scheduled to have a c-section before election day...and I doubt I'll be of much use in a hospital bed with a new born.

I LOVE going to work right now. I was DREADING it, so its amazing to me that not only can I handle it, I'm loving it.

Working outside of the house, having someone at home taking care of and playing with my son is so different that trying to get things done from home with a two year old who wants to watch the "Who let the dogs out" video on youtube from my lap on the computer while I'm trying to work. Assisting David from home was nearly impossible before the nanny, and I would drop the ball all of the time, because I rarely had a minute to think, plan or talk on the phone. Also, being with a two year old all day is MENTALLY EXHAUSTING. His little brain shifts from one thing to the next all day long, which is great, because that is how little kids learn, but my goodness, it's rough. As much as I love him and enjoy our playtime, learning together and being a part of his life everyday, it is impossible to be fully engaged with him AND get big things done.

At the studio, I can knock out tasks left and right. I can take notes without someone grabbing my pen screaming, "my turn! my turn!" and I love knocking out an entire to do list by the end of my day. Some of the work is really hard and challenging, and next week is a little scary, because some of my challenges are above my pay-grade, but it's a cool job.

The absolute best part of working at the studio is that they go and get my lunch from wherever I want to order food from. If you have ever been pregnant, you can appreciate this little luxury. I feel like Jeff Bridges in "The Contender" Today I PIGGED out on Greek food.

The hard part, of course, is watching my son cry when I leave for work and being a little exhausted at the end of the day when I get to see him, but I'm incredibly blessed. I'm blessed because this is only temporary, after the deuce is born, we go right back to SAHM all the time...AND after I'm home with a new baby, we get to keep the nanny (WAHOOO!)

I am about 6 weeks away from shifting into round the clock newborn care, so I better get some sleep while I can.

Sorry to skip Thrift Store Thursday this week, but I can't go to the thrift store when it's this busy. I'm not dropping it entirely, but I do have to put it on hold for now.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-08-26T16:15:00.005-04:00

If you saw my property tax bill, you would understand why shopping at the thrift store is like retail therapy for me.

A nice relaxing treasure hunt after handing over a king's ransom to Miami Dade county...for what? Roads? Please. Schools? effective efficient government? Someone tell me where all this money goes.

Here is where my $5 went today.

Cacharel Boys sweater vest and polo shirt, new with tags, $2 118th Street Goodwill

Cade won't have a baby dedication until he fits into this. It's so cute, he needs an occasion to wear it to. Maybe someone will get married next summer. I won't name names...
No Tag, $2 118th Street Goodwill.

Janie and Jack $1 118th Street Goodwill

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to figuring out how I'm going to convince those property appraisers at the County that my property is worthless and I need a break on my taxes.

Miserable Pregnancy

2010-08-23T17:41:00.003-04:00

Aside from my regular "thrift store thursday" posts, I haven't been blogging like I used to. Partly because it's so busy around here, but also because this has been a miserable pregnancy.

The first four months were pure misery, throwing up all of the time, constant nausea, tired and miserable. Then I had a few weeks of relief, but even then, I was dog tired, fussy and miserable. Now I am entering into full on misery, constant acid reflux, back pain, terrible sleep and constant state of pure exhaustion.

Now I understand why some Mommies dread getting pregnant again.

I hate to admit my misery, because I'm really happy to have another baby on the way, and I have so many friends who would LOVE to be miserable with pregnancy. It seems selfish to complain about it, especially when there are pregnant women out there in much worse situations than this (think bed rest, or malnourishment, or escaping flood waters in Pakistan...)

In the past week, I've had to modify my diet down to a few foods that don't make my chest explode with heartburn and acid reflux. I'm down to cereal with bananas, apples to snack on, white rice with peas and carrots and hot milk before bed. Even with the diet modifications, I'm still getting the acid in my throat, but it's a tolerable level, not a "crying at 4am" level.

I was taking the full daily dose of Malox, but it didn't help very much. Not really sure I want to be on Malox for the next 8 weeks, and really hoping that this diet modification plan will work.

On top of that, I'm very tired and not much fun to be around. Thank goodness Narcisa, our new nanny, is so wonderful and Dylan loves playing with her. It's bad enough to feel rotten and miserable, I don't need to add child neglect and a messy house to the list. You don't have to tell me, I already know, that I am SO BLESSED to have help around the house. I am so thankful and feel like kissing her feet every morning that she shows up for work.

On the flip side, Dylan seems to be working his way out of being a complete and total stinker. He's back to his entertaining and adorable self, with lots of new words and a crazy sense of humor. He melts down with less frequency and takes the whole "time out" threat very seriously.

He is still very clingy and I'm having a hard time getting him to sleep on his own, in his own bed, but we are making progress and I can see that he might end up a decent human being after all. I cracked open my dog-eared copy of "healthy sleep habits, happy child" and I'm working on getting him back into his big boy bed and keeping him there each night until the sun is visible in the morning sky. He HATES his crib, so it works as a nice threat to keep him in his bed, but sometimes he's unreasonable and I'm overtired and we end up snuggling together until morning. Bad Mommy, I know.

I'm no where on potty training, and I've decided that this is really quite alright. It's just not that big of a deal if he's potty trained now, or 6 months from now...in the end, he will probably go off to college knowing how to wipe his own bottom and flush a toilet. It's not worth stressing over.

Dylan seems to have an idea of what is going on. He knows there is a baby in my belly and refers to him as "baby Cade". Whenever we go somewhere, we go through the whole thing...

"Jet is going?" (Jet is his middle name, David calls him that, and I call him that a lot too)
"Yes, Jet is going"
"Mama is going?"
"Yes, Mama is going"
"And baby Cade is going?" (as if we could leave him home at this point)

I talk about how we'll go to the hospital and baby Cade will come out of Mommy and come home with us and live at our house. I ask Dylan where the baby will live, and most of the time he says that he will live at our house, and sometimes he suggests that Baby Cade could live at the airport.

I guess this makes sense because Daddy seems to live at the airport these days.

I ask Dylan if he will help me change Baby Cade's poopy diapers, and he says no, but volunteers that he will play with him. We were in the bathtub together this evening and he had a handful of bubbles, he put them on my belly and said, "See Mama! I share my bubbles with baby Cade!"

I'm no longer so worried about Dylan accepting a little brother, or how he's going to feel about the whole thing because a) he doesn't really have a choice at this point and b) I think he'll do just fine.

My friend Shannon's little girl has toddler bike without peddles, and I'm thinking of having baby Cade bring one home for Dylan to sweeten the deal...so far, this is my favorite

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-08-19T12:06:00.003-04:00

"what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's"
how True!

I picked up this little gem for $1 at the Goodwill on 79th Street the other day. I was making a drop off, and couldn't resist a stop to peak at baby clothes. I'm way past the point of looking for new maternity clothes, with only eight weeks to go, it seems silly to buy anything else, even if it is only $5 or $6 a piece.

I've been posting thrift store thursday to Facebook each week, and it's been getting some strange reviews. Not everyone is keen on the thrift store, and that's cool. Waste your money at Walmart for a brand new, but inferior product and see if I even care.

I do however want to give some good advice to any new thrift store converts out there.

Be careful what you buy.

Don't buy a carseat at Goodwill. It could have been in a crash. It might have been recalled. It is so not worth saving the money, you're better off to get a hand-me-down from a friend if you really can't afford a new car seat.

Don't buy a crib at goodwill. It probably doesn't have all of the screws and could have been on a recall list.

Don't buy infant toys at Goodwill unless you know and trust the brand really well. Some of the garbage in the toy bins have toxic Chinese paint all over them.

Don't buy stuffed animals or fabric toys. Think bedbugs. GROSS.

With clothes, check all of your zippers, button holes and hems to see that the item you are buying is really wearable. Look for stains.

With that in mind, have fun out there. I found a James Perse skirt for $4, looks new, I love when the goodwill ladies don't know that something is high end and put it with the regular clothes. Can't wait to fit into it.

This week I bought four great long t-shirts for the "fourth trimester" when maternity clothes are too big, and normal clothes are too tight, and a few little super expensive things (at $1 each!) for my new baby that won't fit him for another year.

It's already washed and stashed away, so here's a picture of my two favorite guys to put a smile on your face...

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-08-12T21:51:00.003-04:00

(photo credit goes to Shannon, who is budding into a very awesome photographer)

Like my maternity swimsuit? 118th Street Goodwill. Tankini top only, bottom is from a bikini that was in my closet with one foot in the grave...so I don't mind stretching it out.

Like my belly? I love it.

When I was pregnant with Dylan, I really stressed out about every single weigh-in at the doctor's office. I packed on so many pounds and grew out of maternity sizes so fast, it was beyond depressing.

I'm much more relaxed about all of that this time around. Maybe because I've had the pleasure of gaining nearly 70 pounds to have Dylan and watching it all melt off as I trained for a marathon, or maybe because I'm finally past that place of worrying about what I weigh. Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm thankful for the maternity section at the thrift store, because it's bad enough carrying around all of this extra weight, I couldn't imagine trying to squeeze my new voluptuous body into a size small (or, let's be honest, even a medium). With regular visits to Goodwill and Red, White and Blue, I've been able to buy more clothes to get me through the last trimester.

Now that I'm 9 weeks from baby, I'm kind of over shopping for clothes. I'm also a little busy to hit the thrift store lately.

And something else is bothering me.

I thought that my thrift store prosthelytizing was entirely good. I really thought that encouraging others to save money by foraging through old junk was a completely positive thing. On balance, it is...it's better than a lot of fashion and shopping blogs out there, but it still shows that I'm in the trap of having more, buying all the time and completely addicted to shopping.

I'm like an alcoholic who gave up booze for cigarettes and coffee.

My cousin got married last week. She went to the courthouse with her husband and their daughter. She's got serious plans for her weekly paycheck, none of which include providing food and booze for all of her friends and family in exchange for a new toaster.

The pictures from her wedding day are so sweet and cute, and I enjoyed looking at them on Facebook knowing that her marriage is off to a really great start.

That's the spirit I'd like thrift store blogging to have. Smart, simple and with the big picture in mind...not a land grab for brand name baby clothes.

9 weeks

2010-08-11T21:24:00.003-04:00

I only have 9 weeks left in this pregnancy.

I should be so excited to meet our new son, and I am, but I am so underprepared.

I had all of these big projects to finish before he gets here, and I will be lucky if I can finish filing all of the papers in office by mid-October. I'm learning to let go of all my "get it done before October" plans...

Dylan will probably not be potty trained.
Our house renovations will probably not be finished.
I doubt I'll get pictures printed off of my computer and into Dylan's baby book before I have to start a baby book for his brother.
I will be lucky if I manage to install shelving in Dylan's closet, hang drapes and finish his room.

This list is manageable on it's own, but a low priority compared to helping my favorite political consultant from complete and total burnout. He is working his tail off and needs help with the little things, filing, running tapes to Fed Ex, confirming that people do what they say they will do, the basic assistant stuff that was SO EASY to do before Dylan. I'm sure you're wondering why he doesn't have someone else do that work, and it's hard to explain. His business is tough. Everything has to be done perfectly the first time, there are no second chances. It is impossible to train someone to handle these situations just the way he would handle them.

He has people who work for him, and they all have responsibilities, but he needs the extra "eyes and ears" to make sure that everything runs just the way it's supposed to.

Last week, all of this work seemed completely unrealistic, but now I can see it all working out.

Our new nanny/housekeeper, Narcissa, is a DREAM. A DREAM.

She and Dylan get along great. They have fun together and he trusts her. She is also a great housekeeper and really hates all of my little piles all over the kitchen. She's dying to organize me, and I love her for it. I find myself cleaning out my desk before she gets here, just so that I can pass inspection.

This morning, the power went out, so Paula (Dylan's tutor) took Dylan to the library. When Narcissa showed up, I told her that the power was out, and there wasn't much I could do in the way of work this morning, so she said, "Great, let's clean out the garage"

I almost kissed her. On the lips.

We hauled out 4 boxes of junk, took a few bags to Goodwill, and SCRUBBED THE GARAGE FLOORS. If she can get David to donate that old BMW and get it out of my garage, I will give her a raise.

Later, after the power came on, my favorite college student/neighbor, Stephanie, came over to help with all of the filing. It was so nice having help today. I feel like all of those little mountains are just molehills.

Stephanie has been helping out for a few weeks now. Dylan ADORES her and he's starting to talk like her. He keeps saying "cool" like a valley girl and tonight at dinner he said, "OH MY GOD!" I almost fell out of my chair.

She goes back to school on Friday, and I'm really going to miss her.

Last night I started looking online at vacations for David and I to get away after the elections, and then it occurred to me that I will have a newborn after the elections, and I won't be going anywhere.

In just 9 short weeks I will be back to the old grind of not sleeping, on-demand breast feeding, and trying my best to soothe and comfort a tiny little person who is probably really shocked by the "real world".

Poor Dylan, because he is SUCH a Mama's boy. The world revolves around him (my fault, I know) and it won't once he has a little brother. It's going to be a big shock, right after a big, crazy election cycle.

So, in a nutshell, I'm not at all ready, I'm not at all prepared/organized, but I am excited, and I'm happy for our family. A little brother will be a great addition to our family (so please stop asking me if we're going to try for a girl).

What a difference a year makes

2010-07-30T10:00:00.003-04:00

Last summer, my little baby faced boy at the Naval Museum in Pensacola, Florida.

This summer, my big man aboard the USS Midway in San Diego.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-07-29T18:39:00.006-04:00

The thrift store is a great place for toys.

Especially for toddlers, who are so easy to please (boys like trucks and trains, girls like dolls and horses, right?)

Most of Dylan's trucks were $2-3 dollars. I think the most expensive truck he has is the HUGE Tonka dumptruck, which I scored for $5 at 118th Street Goodwill. The cheaper plastic trucks are usually 50 cents or a dollar.

As you can see, he likes them just as much as if we'd picked them out and paid $20 a piece at Target.

The rug is from Red, White and Blue Store. $14

In a previous post, I was a little down on the Red, White and Blue store, but now that I have developed a strategy, it's turning out to be a great little place to find super deals. I'm not sure where my friend "H" bought these awesome thrift store finds for her little girls, but I see gymnastics leotards and dress up clothes every time I'm there.

(Thanks, H, for submitting to thrift store Thursday!)

My Red, White and Blue tip is to go at 9 am, right when they open. You can find a parking spot and it's not crowded yet.

Parenting failure, just like you

2010-07-28T09:35:00.004-04:00

Before we had a child, I had really big ideas about what a great parent I was going to be. David and I would sit around and judge parents with bad children throwing wild tantrums in the airport or children eating candy in the grocery store, yogurt smeared all over their chin, and we'd shake our heads and think, "poor kid, too bad we're not his parents" or "that will never be us"

We were like those rednecks who sit on their front porch, polishing their guns, talking about what THEY would do if THEY were president of the United States...ignorant and clueless.

The truth is, even my most perfect Mommy friends will admit, "I just fed my kid whipped cream out of a shot glass" knowing that I know what they said 4 years ago about feeding children sugar. None of us are perfect.

It's impossible to know how to do everything right. I can read every book, research every method, and I can still get so much wrong. I've read every sleep book cover to cover, and I still can't get my son to nap consistently and I'm going to bed with him every night, sneaking out of his room around 9 pm like a bad teenager.

And even though I know not to fret over perfecting this parenting thing, I still try so hard, and I end up confusing and frustrating myself in the end.

This week we decided to remove our son from preschool. My husband walked into the preschool center on Monday and didn't want to drop our son off. He wasn't impressed, and he wasn't happy.

I felt just awful, because this was the only preschool in a reasonable driving distance that met our only requirement for preschool, "total Spanish immersion", but when David pointed it out, I knew that our son wasn't getting the attention we expect and that our "preschool" was in fact a morning babysitting service.

I went NUTS that day researching schools, homeschooling options and calling around to schools and universities to find a private Spanish tutor. It is widely known that children learn language best before they are three years old. I totally dropped the ball, and in six months, that door will shut and he will never ever become fluent in Spanish. I blew it.

I know, total nonsense, but you knew I was crazy when you started reading this post, didn't you?

I should have stopped right there and prayed, but then I jumped onto researching homeschooling methods and techniques.

Have you ever peered into the vast complicated world of homeschooling? It's unreal. There are more theories and methods than there are children in the world right now. There is so much information, much of it very interesting and some of it total garbage. In the end, I came to the conclusion that a 2 and a half year old doesn't need hardcore schooling and that I needed to shift gears out of full-on crazy parenting mode.

So I retracted my advertisement on the University of Miami career services job board for a full time Spanish teacher (many thanks to those of you who replied).

We've been interviewing for a nanny for the past few months, and this whole experience has helped me narrow the type of person that I'm really looking for. We knew all along that we wanted a native Spanish speaker from a country with a good accent (you learn the good accents from the bad or confusing accents living in Miami--think of all of the different states in our country and imagine which accent you wouldn't want your kid to pick up), but figured that person would work to suppliment what he was learning in school, not become a full time teacher.

I knew I wanted someone who would be willing to help me with everything around here, watching our son, cleaning up, cooking, all of the basic housewife stuff that I might be too busy for when the campaign season gets into the homestretch (or when I get home from the hospital). And I knew that someone with a teaching degree would not want to take a job that required her to scrub my toilets once in a while.

It was all so overwhelming, so I prayed on it and went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep, and I told God that it was nice talking it all out with him, but couldn't he just help me get to sleep and give me the answer in a dream? (no such luck)

My freak-out beared some fruit, narrowing the most important thing for our Spanish speaking nanny, someone who will be fully engaged with Dylan and will talk his ear off about the world around him (in Spanish).

I hope I've found her. Her name is Aida and she starts on Monday. She's older than I am, which I think will help when the house goes into chaos (as it always does around here), and she kind of reminds me of a Columbian version of my Aunt Michelle.

We're also bringing back Paula (remember Paula?). She's going to act as a homeschool tutor and help me find materials (CDs, songs, movies, games) to help him with his Spanish. Paula is an early childhood education major and was Dylan's first nanny. Since working for us, she's branched out on her own working as a Spanish tutor for young children. She will come over for a few hours a day to work with Dylan and free up our nanny to do some housekeeping when I'm working.

She's twice as expensive as preschool. (Good thing I've been buying all of my maternity clothes at goodwill)

Onto more parenting failures, I am nowhere on potty training. I have a new potty, some really awesome Thomas the Train underwear (for Dylan, not me), and an idea of what to do, but I don't know if we're ready. I hate to throw new nanny, working a lot and then a new baby at him all at once and expect him to be cool with potty training at the same time. I might wait until after the baby is born and we are homebound all the time anyway. Suggestions on that are welcome.

Please don't feel the need to tell me that I'm not a failure...it's said in humor, as in "none of us are perfect". I know that I'm doing the best I can. I pray every morning for the wisdom and discernment to get through the day doing what God wants me to do, not being the perfect parent according to what my husband thinks or my Mom thinks or what the parenting magazines that I never subscribe to, but somehow land in our mailbox, seem to be saying.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-07-22T20:50:00.007-04:00

This week, while Dylan plays with his new Thrift Store Thursday train table, I've been working on moving Dylan into his "new big boy room" (our guest room next door to his room) and nesting a baby room for Cade in his old room. I'm going though all of the toys, sorting out the good stuff (only moving good stuff into the big boy room) from the chum he finds on the street, making a bin for Goodwill, a bag of trash and a few pieces to put into the hall closet for when Cade gets old enough for the not-quite-baby but not-really-big-boy toys.

My Goodwill bin is full of cheap toys that were given as little gifts to Dylan or discovered in goodie bags at birthday parties. Nothing for the Goodwill box came from Goodwill. I really won't buy him a toy from Goodwill unless it's pretty nice...Tonka trucks, Hess trucks, anything Thomas the Tank Engine and books without any scribble or torn pages.

I gave in a couple of times on some flimsy toys, a goofy helicopter, a few plastic front-end loaders, but he LOVES these toys and I think I paid a dollar each for them.

He wants to pick up and play with EVERYTHING HE SEES there, and I let him try it out and play with it. Sometimes he leaves Goodwill without a toy, but he understands when I say, "you really don't want that train, it's yucky, lets wait until we find a Thomas Train" I think he gets it. He's way more cool about not getting a toy than he is about not getting a piece of candy or some kind of food. I might be turning him into a little snob, but it was inevitable.

Going through all of his toys, taking inventory on what he has (so much, he has SO MUCH) and what he needs (a few more pieces for his train set, but that can wait until Christmas and Birthday), I find that my resolve is really strong to steer away from the garbage at Goodwill.

I also listed a bunch of small maternity clothes on ebay this week (see last weeks post). Not suprisingly, the good stuff sold (pea in the pod and designer stuff) and the Motherhood maternity clothes are still on my kitchen table. I'm giving it to a friend, and if you add up what I spent for all the items at Goodwill and compare it to what I made on ebay, I still came out ahead (not much, but how many times do you buy maternity clothes, use them and sell them on ebay for a profit?). The big winners were the designer jeans (of course). And now, whenever I see a pair of designer maternity jeans at Goodwill, I'm selling them on ebay for a little spending cash.

The best part of sorting through all of the stuff is pulling out Punky's little layette of baby clothes. It's hard to believe he was ever that tiny.

As Punky grows out of clothes, I stash them into bins according to size. Most of the clothes end up in the bins, some go to Goodwill (if I didn't really like them, or if they never fit right) and a few items ended up in the trash (some poop-splotions are just too deadly to deal with), and a small chunk of winter clothes moved up to Chicago with a friend who really needed them. Even with some mild purging, I have most of what I need for baby Cade, but I have been on the lookout for a few things to add to the layette.

I LOVED baby gowns when Punky was a newborn. David called them "baby straight jackets" for the way that the flap folds over the hand, but they're really useful to keep the baby from scratching his face. The gowns are super practical at home...no snaps to change a diaper, but not really practical for the car seat..."hike your dress up baby, mommy needs to strap you in"

I thought I had three or four of these, but I think I sent them to South Africa, because I could only find one in my stash. Fortunetly, infant clothes are only $1.19 at goodwill, and these little treasures are my thrift store thursday pics...

This looks like an oldie but a goodie from Baby Gap. I love the hoodie! And I'm a sucker for a baby in stripes. It's nice and long, which is good because so was Dylan!

Label says "classic pooh" which I think is sold at Target. It's super cute and in great shape.

This one is not a gown, but it's a little heart stopper, and I can't even believe that it's from Old Navy. I RARELY find anything good at Old Navy or from Old Navy at the thrift store. But this is adorable, I'm willing to risk $1.19 that it will actually fit.

And then this little gem from Absorba...I discovered Absorba at Nordstrom, but you can also find it at Loehmans and Filene's Basement. It's not the most fashion forward kids' brand, but it is by far one of my favorites. Everything from that brand is always so soft, fits well and washes clean (have you ever noticed that cheap clothes stain more easily? what is up with that?)

Happy Thrifting!

VBAC obsessed, part 3

2010-07-16T23:52:00.003-04:00

I just spent the last two hours watching clips from the NIH conference on VBAC policies from March of 2010.

It's all very interesting, to say the least. It's also confusing, overwhelming and frustrating.

I'm really mad at myself for giving into (maybe even begging for) a c-section to begin with. I can go over it all in my head a million times, but I can't go back to January of 2008, I can only look forward to October 2010 and figure out what is best for me and that little guy kicking me and keeping me awake at night (the one inside, not the one who has wormed his way back into our bed...that's another blog post).

On the one hand, the VBAC makes total sense. The chance of Uterine Rupture is so small, less than 1%, and I am healthy, I don't have any major complications, and if the baby is fine, and I can do it, why risk surgery? Then I start reading all of the information out there and joining the VBAC message boards and I have to tell you, some of these VBAC women are pretty nuts. The active posters pray to the moon and the Goddess of wombs and they are all all very "our bodies, our selves" militant. I do not identify with them at all, and that is why I went somewhere else to find more information about the safety of VBAC. They completely resent and distrust doctors, and I just cannot join their ranks.

I love my doctor, I don't blame him at all for not doing VBACS. I try not to take huge financial risks, and if I were an OBGYN, I wouldn't offer a VBAC. They way the law is set up, and the way the NIH Guidelines are set up, an OBGYN could be so easily sued for allowing a "trial of labor" and then having a woman rupture her uterus, even though the risks are low and the Mom knows the risks going in.

By the way, the NIH panel did not send me anti-VBAC...most of the doctors on the panel are pro-VBAC and feel that a woman should go through a "trial of labor" unless there is something serious going on.

Even though I know the statistics are on my side, I can't help but know that I would hate myself forever if I did all of this work to find a VBAC doctor, had a VBAC with a uterine rupture, and ended up with a dead or severely disabled child.

GRRRR, nothing in life is easy, is it?

The more I think about it, the more I read, it seems to me that the VBAC is best for the Mom, but may not be the absolute best thing for the baby. I just don't know, and I don't think that the doctors know for sure either.

There is a term that gets thrown around all over the VBAC board, "unnecesearean" These women are pissed off over their cesarean (not really me, I just want to do the right thing here) and they're pissed off that the cesarean rate in the US is so ridiculously high. I agree with them...to a point, then they start to get a whacky like the VBAC ladies and I have to tune them out.

I want to do what God wants me to do/made me to do. I totally believe that He designed our bodies to push out babies, but my body may be a little messed up in the pushing department now that I've been cut open. I'm just not sure.

It's a big pickle, and I just keep munching on it.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-07-15T23:52:00.002-04:00

I have listed all of my size small Thrift Store Thursday maternity clothes on ebay. If you read the listing for those cute Mavi capri jeans, you'll see why.

I debated whether to sell or hold onto them, and I decided to ditch them and spend the money on some new maternity clothes.

I haven't found much in the way of maternity clothes lately, but I still swing through the thrift stores at least once a week on the way to pick up Dylan from school.

Lately I have been stocking up on winter clothes for Dylan.

Last year I hardly had any winter clothes, which I really didn't think I would need. We live in Miami, winter whether is 60 degrees, so we don't really need sweaters or snow pants (though for some reason, you will find 19 year old model chicks walking around in fuzzy ugg boots the minute the temperature drops below 70)

We had this nasty cold snap in January, and Punky had NOTHING to wear. I ended up spending a couple hundred dollars at the GAP, never sure if he was going to wear winter clothes for a week or a month. It seemed like a giant waste of money.

Mid summer is the PERFECT time to stock up on winter gear at the thrift store. That is when Moms start purging clothes to make room for "Back to School" shopping, and NO ONE is looking at that winter stuff right now, so there is plenty of it and the getting is good.

I found a few really awesome pairs of new fuzzy footie jammies in 3T, a super cute jacket from Italy (for my 2 year old!) and some great long sleeved t-shirts (all for Dylan). I also stocked up on warm jammies for the Deuce. 79th Street Goodwill had a ton of really great boys winter clothes that were new or hardly worn, all really great high end brands.

Happy Bidding, and if you're pregnant, please buy my stuff on ebay.

(yes! everything listed on ebay is from a thrift store!)

Beached Whale sighting in Miami Shores

2010-07-13T11:34:00.002-04:00

Dylan and I were at the Miami Shores "tot lot" on Sunday and we ran into one of our neighbors. They have a daughter Dylan's age, and we say "hi" when we're out on walks and talk casually, but we've never had an official play-date or had them over for dinner.

I walked up and said, "hello" to the Mom, starting chatting casually, and it hit me that she had no idea who I was. I said, "(insert neighbor's name here), it's June Heller, this is Dylan" and she said...

"OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU! YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT PREGNANT! MY GOODNESS! YOU'RE HUGE!"

Did I mention that she is a professional model?

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-07-08T20:40:00.006-04:00

The day before our vacation I broke down and had a "full price Friday" at pea in the pod.

I bought a shirt and a dress. It was almost $200. For two pieces of clothing. That would have been $12 at the thrift store.

But I needed it, and the sad truth about the thrift store is that it's not really the best place to shop, but it's an excellent place to do some treasure hunting...

I'm getting bigger by the minute and I'm starting to get a little pregnant woman CRAZY about my size.

I warned you that I was growing out of those size small pregnancy clothes, and mentioned that they might be going up on ebay a couple of weeks ago, but I never imagined it would be this heartbreaking to grow out of them...out of everything that I've collected over the past few months...because now I am a whale.

And I still have 15 weeks to go. Which means that this body will probably pack on another 10-15 pounds before that baby comes out and there isn't a whole lot I can (or should) do about that.

I'm debating whether to sell my great maternity haul on ebay and use the money to trade up a size, or save it for what will probably never even be "the next pregnancy".

Today's thrift store Thursday is a shot of Dylan in full thrift store gear...

Shirt-Janie and Jack (doesn't photograph that well, but super cute in person) $3 Red White and Blue Thrift Store
Shorts - Gap 79th Street Goodwill, tag still on them $3
Miami Dolphin Crocs (his favorite) - 118th Street Goodwill $5

(photo taken at the Marlin's game...hardly anyone goes to Marlins games anymore, hopefully that will improve at the new stadium)

Is parenting really that bad?

2010-07-08T11:24:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, yes.

Sometimes I am seriously ready for the end of the world, where we all get carried up to heaven, but most days, parenting is like anything in life, it has its highs and lows.

I read this article last night from the New York Magazine, I think it's the cover story, but I wouldn't really know, I read everything online these days. The title, All Joy and No Fun...why parents hate parenting, makes this whole parenting business sound pretty awful.

And to be honest, there are miserable moments. I can't get my son to stop screaming when he doesn't get his way, there are times when I'm dead tired and he gets to nap in the car, only to wake up angry and cranky at me, and my selfish self looks at him thinking, "what the heck is your problem? you napped! I DROVE" I could go on about all of the other maddening stressful moments that don't sound like much as I type them out, but really feel like complete and total misery as I go through them.

I know I'm not alone in this, my friends feel it, too.

"We can't make a playdate today, it's just one of those days..."

It's surprising to me that after all of the heartache, all of the praying, all of the longing for this little boy, parenting would still be so hard sometimes.

I suspect a lot of parents have unreasonable expectations about what the job is like (and yes, parenting is a job), we go into it thinking that these little people will fufill us, make us happy, bring us joy, and they do...they have their moments. My little stinker is so cute and cracks me up everyday, but still, keeping him alive takes a LOT OF WORK.

One person in the article said something to the effect of...children bring you joy, but they suck the joy out of everything else that used to bring you joy. It's kind of true, I wouldn't bring my toddler to an art gallery opening, or a nice dinner with wine at the table, or anything else I might have enjoyed before he was born. I can't read the New York Times at Starbucks on a Saturday morning, and if I do have 45 minutes of alone time, I really want to get the kitchen clean or swim a few laps.

I don't really think about all of this or try to evaluate my day-to-day happiness level, because that seems like an odd thing to do. If I do think of things I used to enjoy pre-baby, I try not to get to nostalgic about those days, because they weren't carefree at all. I wanted a baby SO BADLY that I didn't even enjoy all of that "me time" when I had it.

I don't think it's fair of that article to say that "parents hate parenting", because for many of us, that is just not true.

Sure, it's stressful, sure it has it's horrendous moments, but for many of us, it's the coolest job we'll ever get to do. I'm going to try my best not to sound too self-righteous stay-at-home-mommy on you, but here comes the big point of this post...

I was at a wedding this weekend and met a lot of very dynamic women. They had MAJOR careers, the kind of careers that I dreamed about having when I was in college. Mingling with them, looking at my pregnant belly and deshevled hairdo (not much time to primp with a two year old running through your hotel room) I got a little bit jealous.

I started thinking about all of the things I could be doing other than staying at home and managing our family/home/rental properties. I can be fancy and important...

But that is not where my heart is. My heart is with my husband and my son. My heart is taking care of my family, and it's not drudgery when you really love what you're doing.

If I had work that I was equally passionate about, a mission or a career goal that I couldn't shake, than I would do it, but the fantasy of being alone on an airplane with a laptop wearing a $1500 suit fades away when I don't know what or who I would be doing it for.

I LOVE parenting my son. I love when he learns something new, or shows off a new skill. I'm really proud of him and I love spending time with him. It's not the end of my life, or the end of my happiness.

Parents don't hate parenting, at least, not this parent.

California Dreaming

2010-07-07T22:36:00.005-04:00

We spent the Fourth of July Holiday in San Diego, it was pretty awesome. The weather was coldish (70s) - which Punky and I loved, and David tolerated. We were happy to have a little bit of family time and took in some sights, enjoyed our hotel pool, and David and I went to one of the best weddings ever.

I have a few pictures from Legoland, but other than that, the camera stayed in my bag for much of the trip. Dylan's been a little bit camera shy (or camera-stinker) lately and it seems impossible to film his cutest moments. Its just a phase...right?

Punky patroling the streets of Legoland...

Punky enjoying the splashpad. We were the only parents who let our kid run around in a diaper...I guess California isn't that liberal after all...

Me and Punky on a jungle type ride...I had to include it because I hardly ever show up in these photos (I'm always taking them!)

David and Punky enjoying a splash ride at Legoland

Punky completely ignoring the Coronado Island Independence Day Parade...(but looking super cute)

A family photo, these never turn out well when you ask a stranger to take your picture...at least we're all clean

Punky playing his new favorite game, "run around in circles and fall down"

On the phone with Daddy at the Chicago airport (we flew home, David continued on his tour of duty)

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-06-30T22:01:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, when I'm feeling super lazy, I let my phone ring and I don't even bother to look and see who is calling me.

But when it rings a couple of times in a row, I know either a) some annoying realtor wants to show one of my listings and can't figure out how to leave a message b) one of my friends needs something and it's urgent or c) thrift store gold rush

I have this friend, "H" my husband nicknamed her the "Bird Dog". It's a compliment, she's always looking out for people and hooking up those in need of something with those who have what they need. When I was actively looking for clients as a Realtor, Bird Dog was my number one scout, hooking me up with mutual friends, reminding them I was a realtor, giving me the scoop on anyone looking to buy or sell a house.

She's also an excellent shopping Bird Dog, she'll text her friends about an awesome sale, or a free museum day, making our hunt for bargains so much easier.

So when Bird Dog calls you from the thrift store, it's good, not just normal good, like a pair of unused Crocs, but gold rush good.

"June, you need to get over to the 79th Street Goodwill. They have this table, I think it's for trains, it says Thomas the Train on it and..."

NO WAY! She knew I had been combing through Craiglist ads looking for a train table for Dylan's new room. She knew I'd jump all over the chance to score one mega cheap at Goodwill.

I pulled David from his work to watch Dylan and raced out the door. I begged God for Goodwill to be open and for the table to be there. I raced to the back, where they keep toys and furniture, and there she was, a huge Thomas train table, in perfectly good shape, $5.

My big pregnant self went to the back and asked the manager for a screw driver to take it apart so that it would fit in my car.

"I'm sorry honey, but the guy who has tools left for the day"

I raced back to my table.

"How and the heck am I going to get this thing into my car?" I thought.

I managed to take off the table top and carried it to the front of the store. I paid for the table and took the top out to my car. I took out the car seat, cleaned out the trunk and pushed down the seats. The top fit, so I said a prayer that the table base would fit as well.

I lugged the gigantic table to the front of the store by myself. All of these old men just stared at me and no one offered to help. I managed to get it out to the car, and PRAISE GOD, it fit.

I raced home, super excited for Punky and his new train table. It's exactly the same table that he plays with at Barnes and Noble, and I knew he'd get excited the minute he saw it.

David helped me get it set up, and Punky went bananas. He's thrilled with his new train table and so excited about his new room. I wish I had better photos, or that I took photos of him playing at the table, but I don't and I wanted to get this post up in time for Thrift Store Thursday (busy day tomorrow).

THANK YOU BIRD DOG! Happy Thrifting!

VBAC obsessed, part 2

2010-06-29T08:46:00.002-04:00

I'm still thinking a lot about the VBAC (vaginal birth after ceasarean).

I thought I'd passed on it. There were too many strikes against it. The doctor that performs them is too far away, the hospital that he uses isn't as nice/advanced/state-of-the art as the hospital my doctor uses, and then there's that chance that I'd end up with a c-section anyway, so why even bother changing doctors...I love my doctor.

Then there are all of those awful things that can happen during a natural childbirth. Not just the statisical annomolies that rarely ever happen (death, hemmoraging, etc) but they normal stuff that is too gross for my blog to mention. (but if you need to know, there is plenty of information out there on "girlfriend google"...apparently there is an entire websphere of women willing to discuss their broken lady bits).

I'm rarely driven by fear (even after a night of searching though natural birth horror stories), and much more driven by pride and over-confidence (this is not necessarily a good thing), and I can't help the feeling that I can do this. The feeling that I should at least try to do this.

I found another doctor, his office is halfway in between my house and the other VBAC doctor. He's at a bigger hospital. I have to get all kinds of info together for him before he'll even talk to me about a VBAC (previous surgery reports, record of prenatal care), so I'm not even certain he'll take me on as a patient, but it's worth a try.

I'm dreading the VBAC talk with my doctor, because he already talked me out of it once. I like being a perfect patient, and I really like him and all of his staff so much, talking to another doctor feels like a breakup. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, but I would imagine that it's disappointing for him to watch money walk out the door.

Any comments are welcome. I love chatting about this and I think my poor husband is VBAC-ed out.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-06-24T19:18:00.005-04:00

I have ridiculously expensive taste.

I wish I liked cheap things, I really do. Life would be so much easier.

I knew I liked nice things, but I never knew the extent to which I loved expensive things until we renovated our house. There were so many choices to make, lighting, flooring, appliances, rugs, etc, and every time I walked into a showroom to shop for our project, I walked straight to the most expensive thing in the store and said, "oh, this is nice".

I'm not necessarily drawn to bling, or crazy looking things, I just admire well designed things, and I love whimsy and color. Those things come at a price, I guess.

We managed to renovate our house without getting too out of control. We splurged on the greatest rug you've ever seen, and then we saved money other places. It's hard loving beautiful things, because my mind always pictures the insanely gorgeous fixture we could have bought.

Having this curse can be a blessing at the thrift store. I don't have to look at each tag to pick out the janie and jack or expensive boutique items, they find me.

Still, in order to find these things, I have to go to the thrift store a lot. I go once or twice a week, which is impossible for some moms, but I've managed to work it in. Dylan LOVES goodwill, because it's the only place that he knows for sure I'll buy him whatever goofy toy he wants (why not, they're almost all $1...), and I go often enough that I can spot a new item right away, so I don't have to waste time sifting through the garbage.

This is a fun little hobby, but sometimes I have to go to a really nice store to buy a gift. I went to a boutique near Aventura earlier this week to buy a baby gift for my good friend "M".

While I was there, I noticed that they had these boots for $36 which I purchased at the 118th Street Goodwill last week for $2.

And this ball for $9 which I found at the 79th Street Goodwill for 49 cents.

And this little lunch bag for $22 which I scooped up at the 118th Street Goodwill for $3.

Then I fell in love with this little suitcase, and decided to splurge on it for Dylan. I did the math, and I had already saved more than the $50 it cost...so why not? I brought it home and he HATED IT. He refused to ride on it (it's a suitcase built for kids to ride on...seemed to be a great way to ditch our stroller for our next trip). So today I decided to take it back.

The fancy boutique doesn't take returns. Who do they think they are, Goodwill?

I managed to get my refund. It took over an hour. I think it helped that I had an unruly toddler getting antsy in their store, but I think I learned a lesson, I belong at the thrift store.

Dylan's New School

2010-06-23T11:13:00.004-04:00

We are halfway into Dylan's third week of his new school, and he still cries his eyes out every morning at drop-off. It is so sad.

I feel just awful for him, because I know that it must be hard for him to get used to a new place. I know he must be SO CONFUSED because everyone at new school speaks Spanish all the time, and we don't speak Spanish at home. I know he must miss his teachers at his old school, because I miss them too. Change is hard. Especially big challenging changes.

On the other hand, I know that his new teachers really like him and that the kids all get excited when he shows up, so it's not like he spends the entire morning crying. More importantly, I know that he's learning Spanish, because he's already using some of it at home (mostly colors, but not bad for his first few weeks).

I guess this is all a part of parenting, figuring out how far to push your kids to grow and learn, and when to pull back and give them extra special cuddle time.

On the bright side of new school, Dylan loves his new Thomas the Train lunchbox. He insists on carrying it to the car and holding it in the car to and from school. It makes buckling him into his car seat a little challenging, but I roll with it.

P.S. for Mom...I'm getting Dylan's awful haircut fixed this weekend.

Happy Father's Day, David

2010-06-19T22:32:00.006-04:00

My husband isn't my dad, but he's Dylan's dad and my husband, and in the spirit of celebrating fathers, I wanted to brag on him a bit and say thanks, because he is an AWESOME Dad.

David ADORES Dylan and loves playing with him, and the feeling is mutual, Dylan runs to the door when "Dada" walks in, and loves showing off for his "Dada" in the yard playing baseball, soccer or just throwing things as hard and as far as he can. They always have fun on long walks, pushing cars around Dylan's bedroom floor, or just horsing around (in the kitchen, on the airplane, in line at the grocery store).

David has all of the characteristics I want our boys to have (I'm counting Cade Ryan, fairly certain that he's a boy and hopeful that he will be joining our family in October). David loves God, is faithful, creative, loving, competitive, loyal, funny and the hardest working person I've ever met. If I were to sit and think of every great characteristic that a man should have, it would be easy to show you an example of that in David. I hope that they're blessed with many of David's natural talents and abilities, and grow to emulate David's character.

Happy Father's Day, love!

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-06-17T13:02:00.005-04:00

So I was wondering what to post for thrift store thursday, and then I realized that I am completely dressed in thrift store maternity clothes today.

Old Navy convertible pants $5 (long or button up for capris) in grey from 79th street goodwill. That stain on the leg is all me, wasn't there at time of purchase...

When I bought these pants I thought, "wow these are huge, they will be great for the end of pregnancy" and they just fit at 22 weeks. Yikes. In all fairness, they are a small, and when I was 22 weeks last time, I was maxing out the larges...so no need to get hysterical (yet).

Splendid for Pea in the Pod top $5 in blue from 79th Street Goodwill.

Who says maternity clothes have to be so expensive?

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-06-10T11:58:00.002-04:00

I hate to go negative on the Thrift Store so early in the series, but I have to share this with you.

A couple of weeks ago I tried on an evening gown at the thrift store. I know that last sentence sounds like a set up to a really good joke, but it's totally true. It was a purple and green floor length silk dress, some designer, priced at $50. It was super cute, but it had a stain on it, so I put it back.

Fast forward to last night, and I find the same style dress, only SHORTER, which fit the occasion I need to find a dress for (a wedding), in PINK, which is even better, on ebay, for half that price.

And it's maternity.

Check it out here...

I just hope my feet aren't too big/swollen for my favorite high heels, because I'm going to look pretty silly if I try to wear this with flip flops.

Happy thrifting, kids.

"watch this, Mommy, watch this"

2010-06-08T11:35:00.003-04:00

So my vacation with my parents was WONDERFUL, but getting Punky out of his element was a little bit messy for me. He's turned into quite a little stinker, and it was GLARING at me as I tried to keep him well behaved at my Mom's house.

He is also a Mama's boy, which is flattering, but embarrassing at the same time.

Some of it can be chalked up to terrible twos, but most of it is rooted in the fact that he is a very spoiled only child whose every move gets doted on by his parents. I can't help it, he's so darned cute!

We're transitioning back into reality, and Punky started his new school this week. It's a Spanish immersion preschool, which will be a big adjustment for him (and it forces me to flex my Spanish muscles, which haven't had much use since high school!). He's thrilled with his new Thomas the Tank Engine lunch box, and he is proud of the fact that he goes to a new BIG SCHOOL, but he's still a little terrified when I drop him off. This will fade as he gets used to it, and I'm still lingering in the parking lot praying for him and his teachers each morning. Big week for both of us.

Dylan is getting super cute and I hope he's getting a little more independent. He LOVES to color, he will play with crayons and chalk, but his absolute favorite is markers. He had to go without them for a few weeks because he was being kind of obnoxious with them (coloring on his body and clothes). He asked for them for the millionth time yesterday and I gave in, thinking that either a) he'd be responsible because he won't want to lose the marker privilege again or b) he'd go nuts and I'd have to take them away again.

He took the marker bucket from me and walked over to his little table. He started to color and I puttered around the kitchen. Then I heard, "watch this mama! watch this!" and looked up to see him put the cap back on the marker and put it back in the bucket before he took out another one. Forgive me for sounding dramatic, but I almost fainted.

He might grow up to be a decent human being after all.

I'm getting bigger, everyone tells me so (gee, thanks), and some of my thrift store finds might end up on ebay as I grow out of size small maternity clothes. Here I am at 21 weeks with Cade Ryan Heller (his name, like it?)

Here is a link to a week 22 belly shot with Dylan.

I'm 10 pounds lighter now than I was at this point with Dylan, lets hope this trend continues. It should if I can lay of the Rolos.

Wish you were here...

2010-06-03T21:51:00.002-04:00

Punky and Serenity journaling about their vacation at lunch.

Mommy and Punky rockin' the west african drum room at Edventure.

It's called "Green Screen" kiddies! You're on TV!

Johnny No-Nap passes out on a walk. (at 5pm...)

I'm on a boat!

2010-06-03T17:47:00.002-04:00

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-06-03T17:41:00.003-04:00

I'm on vacation this week, but if you need your thrift store thursday fix, head over to SHANNON'S BLOG!

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-05-27T21:36:00.007-04:00

The thrift store is usually a chill shopping experience for me. We have one store, the Red White and Blue thrift store, not far from where I live that has great stuff and awesome prices, but I never ever go there because it is almost always a mad house. People fighting over parking spaces, the isles are crowded, and you battle through all of this madness to face a super long line at the end...OH, and you have to pay cash, and I never ever have cash.

So today's thrift store Thursday experience was a little out of the ordinary, but it was fun.

I had my best shopping buddy, Lynell, with me and we rocked the Grand Re-Opening of the Super Goodwill at Sky Lake Mall.

It was nutty, ya'll. People lined up at the door this morning to get their thrift on. I'm sure that most of them assumed (like I had) that with donations piling up during the renovations, today would be the first and only good day of thrifting before it all got picked over.

We showed up around 9:30 and it was wall to wall people rummaging through racks of clothes, loading their carts FULL of junk.

I hit the maternity section first and it was pretty lame. They had about as much stuff as my regular Goodwill, and nothing high end. I pulled out two pairs of pants, a dress and a top to try on, but none of it was thrilling (Liz Lange for Target).

Then I headed over to the kids section which was super lame. Either it had been completely picked over in 20 minutes (and looking at all of those full shopping carts, that is completely possible) or no one is donating nice children's clothes to the Sky Lake Mall Goodwill.

I took my maternity clothes to the fitting room and waited FOREVER to try them on. Lynell was roaming the designer section and taking in the local color.

Nothing fit well, and I have to admit that I am completely spoiled by finding great high end maternity clothes, and I refuse to settle for anything less.

I found Lynell and managed to score some great tops in the designer section. Remember when everyone wore long blousy shirts two years ago? They're all at goodwill now and they make nice maternity tops! I will have to get photos of those to you later, but for now, here are pics of me trying on dresses over my clothes that we took with the iphone.

We took these photos because I didn't have the strength to fit through the crowds to look at myself in the full length mirror.

The dress above is a Talbots dress, looked like something cute for teaching Sunday school, but even at $15, I wasn't crazy about it.

I can't remember who made the mumu dress I have on in the photo below, but it looked way cuter on the hanger.

I passed on both of these.

The line was insane...the carts went all the way to the back of the store.

We made it through the line and out the door without too much hassle. We both found some cute things, but nothing better than a normal thrift store haul.

It just goes to prove my theory that any thrift store is only as good as the neighborhood that it's located it. Rich neighborhoods have better thrift stores. 79th Street Goodwill is in kind of a ghetto area, but it's SO close to Miami Shores and all of the waterfront properties in Northeast Miami, that it will always be my favorite store...

...and that is where I scored these cute clothes for baby #2 (janie and jack, favorite kids brand, not easy to find at thrift store!)

and these cars for Dylan...

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-05-20T19:26:00.004-04:00

When thrifting, it's important to buy only what you know you'll need. Most thrift stores don't take returns, and most items at the thrift store are things people thought they needed, but ended up never using and getting rid of months or years later.

I was really hoping that I would need today's hot thrift store find. I was CONVINCED that I would need these, but instead, today's thrift store thursday find is up on ebay, looking for a new home, because...

IT'S A BOY!

I found these adorable Laura Ashley Dresses at the 118th Street Goodwill last week and I couldn't help myself. $4 a piece! Look at those little diaper covers! Can you just picture an adorable little blonde girl crawling around on the floor in these dresses? Her cute little bottom covered in flowers?

I figured that even if I had a boy (which seemed so far fetched in that moment), they were a STEAL and I could easily sell them on ebay.

So, if you love them as much as I do, check out my ebay auction, and Happy Thrifting friends.

Building a Snowman

2010-05-19T21:11:00.003-04:00

Punky: Mama, I build a snowman
Me: Punky, It's going to be pretty difficult to build a snowman in Miami...
Punky: I build it in Miami Shores.

He's so cute, I know that God made little kids so ridiculously cute to keep us from throttling them during tantrums.

Because the tantrums are a killer.

I don't want to give into his whining, and I'm too tired to beat it out of him. I.just.wish.he.would.stop.

...and then it's over and he's ridiculously adorable again.

I know that every mother on the planet deals with the same thing. He's not just crying over a dropped toy (JUST PICK IT UP) or something stupid like that, but he's learning... how to deal with feelings, get over disappointments, work out what is and what is not worth fighting for (don't fight me over bedtime, man).

On a happy note, we're back to napping, never alone in his crib, but always together, after an episode or two of Thomas the Tank Engine in my bed. I'm not getting much done, but whatever...I'm learning to deal with how little I can do right now.

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-05-13T18:50:00.004-04:00

Shannon took this snapshot of us in my kitchen (disclaimer: at my request, and without her fancy new camera) for today's thrift store Thursday.

My outfit: The pants, 79th Street Goodwill, Old Navy maternity $4. These pants are in great shape and fit better than a similar pair that I tried on at the Gap. The top is a hand-me-down from my friend Carri, and while it's not a thrift store find, it is certainly in the spirit of thrift store Thursday.

Dylan's outfit: T-shirt Dogwood at Goodwill near the Marlin's stadium $2, shorts GAP from the 79th Street Goodwill $3.

Fisher Price loader truck $3 at the 118th Street Goodwill.

As you can see, Dylan now has short hair and I am in need of a haircut myself!

"You want to go GREEN....Recycle by shopping @ a thriftstore :)" -Aunt Angel via Facebook Status update...gotta love it!

Happy Birthday Birth Control Pill

2010-05-09T13:38:00.003-04:00

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the pill.

So why do we still need a prescription to get it?

I can't remember anything a doctor every said to me about "the pill"...like how to use it properly, all of that I got from my Mom. All I remember was a cold quick exam and a nurse handing me a script. Year after year after year.

The pill comes in a pretty self-explainitory package, labeled with days of the week and all, and you'd be hard pressed to find an American woman who couldn't figure it out, so why the doctor's visit?

What does it say about our country that you can get the plan B/morning after pill over-the-counter, but you can't get regular preventative birth control over the counter? That seems strange to me.

Do you think that the pill should be over-the-counter?

Thrift Store Thursday

2010-05-06T10:16:00.005-04:00

I'm adding a new segment to my blog. Seems to be the Mommy Blogger thing to do...pick a day of the week, add some alliteration, and presto..."Thrift Store Thursday"

Most of my close Mommy friends are thrift store junkies like me. We compare notes about where we find good deals, and we're totally unashamed that our children are running around in some strangers hand-me-downs that we rummaged through several racks of raggedy clothes to find. We even brag about it...

"Janie and Jack, two dollars, 79th Street Goodwill"

I would hit up a goodwill here and there in college, and I always used them for Halloween costumes or goofy theme parties, but I never really became a dedicated and accomplished thrift store shopper until I became pregnant with Dylan. We were on a little bit of a spending freeze, and I was dying to fill the house with baby clothes.

My friend Carri gave me a big sack of clothes from her boys, and I would sort through those things and made a list of things I thought that I might still need. I would hit our local goodwill and pick up a cute onsie here or a nice pj set there, and it was all pretty harmless at $1 an item.

I built a nice little wardrobe for our son, and I don't think I purchased any new clothes for him until he was about 8 months old. Having purchased new clothes at full price, and purchased perfectly good used clothes for next to nothing, I can tell you there is little difference between the two. If you know what to look for (quality brands, items you will actually use) and how to look for damage (make sure all the buttons and zippers work, look for stains, holes and tears) you can have a lot of fun thrift store shopping.

You might even turn into a full fledged thrift store junkie like me.

I'm building up quite a maternity wardrobe from hitting the thrift store every week. Today I am wearing a pair of Mavi denim bermuda shorts (retail $88, goodwill $4) and a Gap XXL t-shirt that fits just like a maternity shirt ($3).

Hint: plus sized clothes are less expensive than maternity at Goodwill, and sometimes the plus sized shirts are cuter/softer/less stained than the maternity items.

Stay tuned for more great thrift store finds!!!

Let's open a big can of worms

2010-05-04T20:41:00.002-04:00

Do you know what a VBAC is?

It's a Vaginal Birth after Cesarean.

Apparently, they're controversial. So controversial, that my OBGYN doesn't do them. A lot of OBGYNs don't do them, especially in Florida.

Here's the thing, I think I might want one. Why??? I don't know exactly. Maybe a VBAC is my new marathon. Maybe I am just having a second trimester crazy attack.

Here are the pros:

1. Easier short-term recovery is very likely

With a VBAC, there is no big scar to heal, no waiting all day until I can eat or drink anything, no catheter, and I can lift my toddler son when I get home (and after a c-section surgery, you can't lift anything heavier than a newborn for 8 weeks)

2. Healthier for baby

Dylan had respiratory problems from his c-section, and that is why he ended up in the NICU. If he had been pushed out of my birth canal, he probably would have had all of the fluid in his lungs squeezed out and wouldn't have ended up in the NICU.

3. Better for future children/pregnancies

This may or may not be an issue for us.

And then there are the cons:

1. I could end up with an emergency c-section anyway which is so way worse than a planned c-section.

2. I could end up tearing my uterus while in labor which is scary, traumatic and would result in losing all of my lady plumbing (not very likely, but remotely possible)

3. Long term recovery is not as pretty, there are all of those nasty things that happen to women all over the world that will probably happen to me when the Deuce goes in and stretches out my lady business. No need to scare all of my non-parent friends with those details.

4. The best way to do a VBAC is to NOT induce and NOT have the epidural (pain meds). I would have to hire a Doula to help me through that and to keep me in the right frame of mind to go through with the VBAC.

5. The VBAC doctor is in Broward County and at BEST a half hour away.

So, what to do? I don't know. I'm going to meet the VBAC doctor and see what I think of him. I'm going to pray a ton and see if there is an answer. (don't hear what I'm not saying, I am not saying that God is pro or anti-cesarean, I'm just saying that praying helps me make wise decisions).

Are any of my readers VBAC veterans? I'd love to hear from you if you are. Even if you're not, you're entitled to an opinion and can leave that opinion in the comments section.

Happy Anniversary

2010-05-02T21:27:00.004-04:00

David and I have been married 7 years, and we met 10 years ago. Our anniversary is tomorrow, but I'm posting an anniversary post tonight so that I will not be tempted to blog during the very few hours that I have to work while Punky is at school tomorrow.

I have no real idea what I thought marriage would be like when we first started out. I knew I loved David, and I knew that if I was going to marry anyone, start a family with anyone, grow OLD with anyone, it would be him. I'm not sure I knew all of the great qualities he had in the same way that I know them now, but I knew he was by far the most exciting and interesting person I'd ever met, and I was pretty sure that if God gave us a lifetime, I still couldn't get enough of him.

I could go on and on about him, but an anniversary is more about "us"

Seven years isn't that long, but it feels long. It's the first anniversary in which I've felt, "Gee, we've been married a while now"

We've been through a gadzillion moves, quite a few disappointments and a ton of really exciting crazy things that seem to happen only to us.

We have a son, and another baby on the way, and while I know that we waited for these blessings, sometimes it feels like it all happened so fast.

I don't want to go on and on bragging about our marriage, but I will tell you that I'm happy.

Happy 7th anniversary to us.

Nap Nazi Confession

2010-04-30T21:18:00.004-04:00

Hey Mommies...beware of anyone who tells you they have the keys to parenting.

These "answers" have been bombarding me lately, in part because I'm seeking them (browsing the parenting section at the bookstore, posting questions in my facebook status, reading "helpful" mommy advice blogs), and in part because they are everywhere.

As I'm growing into my own person/woman/Mother/wife I'm learning to pray hard and endure through the rough spots of parenting. It's almost always true that "this too shall pass" and that no one thing can stop/prevent/cure crying, tantrums, fighting or whatever you are facing at the moment.

When I first became a Mom, I became indoctrinated into the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book. I became the "nap nazi" and worked overtime to secure on-schedule naps, everyday in a safe quiet place. We routed our flights based on naptime when we traveled with the baby. I stayed hours in hotel rooms getting him to sleep at the right time so that I wouldn't throw off his bedtime sleep. "Sleep begets sleep!" I'd happily chirp to my husband, not really realizing how completely nap crazy I'd become.

Now, in defense of the book, it is good to have your baby/toddler take a nap in his crib everyday. It is not so good to have them nap in the car everyday while you run to the mall and then scream at them for being cranky all the time. But in defense of my theory, it's going too far to become the nap nazi lady.

So, of course, Dylan would grow into one of those two year olds who no longer needs a nap. AND of course, I fought it.

I fought it because I want a nap, and I fought it because I thought it was just insane to let him go without one. The sad thing is I was even more insane to make him cry for over an hour in his crib every afternoon for about two weeks straight. If he knew how to articulate his feelings he'd probably scream, "I DON'T NEED A NAP ANYMORE YOU CRAZY *&^%"

We're in a good place now. We've given up on naps and he goes to bed nice an early. He gets all the sleep he needs and he's a very happy active child.

I'm learning how to trust my parenting instincts, glean helpful suggestions from parenting books, and toss them out if they seem crazy or too difficult to implement in our lives.

It's funny, because when I was crawling on the kitchen floor wretching from the smell of whatever, dying from vomiting all the time, I felt so weak and hopeless. Having gone through it and coming out to the other side, I'm learning that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for, and that if I lean on Him, God will pull me through anything. And now I know that it is quite possible to endure a pregnancy without a two hour nap everyday (please laugh).

This is your belly on peanut butter

2010-04-26T21:47:00.002-04:00

Obviously, I am not puking up all my food anymore. Me and the deuce at week 15.

cupcake face strikes again...

2010-04-21T11:35:00.003-04:00

Dylan is getting taller, he showed me this last week when he reached up to the countertop, pulled down the box of cupcakes (one left), let it crash to the floor, and scampered to shove every little bit of cupcake into his mouth before he got into trouble.

It was so cute and funny, I completely neglected my responsibility as a mother and grabbed the camera instead.

We now use only the back burners on the cooktop and keep everything pushed up against the backsplash.

Hyperemesis gravidarum

2010-04-18T20:24:00.003-04:00

I have exciting news...we're pregnant, about 14 weeks now, and so far, so good. Good for the baby, but a little rough on me.

I have been SO SICK with this one.

I try my best to put on a smile and say, "only healthy babies make you sick!" but it has been pretty brutal.

I thought it would be over by now, but it's still there, the constant urge to vomit. I'm on an anti-emetic called Zofran, and it works, for the most part. I have to stay on it regularly, because if I stop taking it, I throw up.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, the doctor had me on the Zofran "as needed" and I would take it when I was vomiting, which didn't work at all, because once I started, I couldn't stop. I threw up everything, even plain old water. I tried every bland food, cracker, anything and every single wives tale on the planet to settle my stomach and stay alive. I threw up everything, and even thinking about the standard "morning sickness" foods makes me want to vomit (saltines, ginger, etc)

About 9 weeks into the pregnancy, I had three days of constant vomiting, I couldn't hold a single thing down. I was dizzy, my face was grey, and I could barely move from the toilet. Dylan and I hung out in the bathroom or in bed for three days, and finally, I called the doctor and he sent me to the emergency room. I dropped Dylan off with my friend who has four children (three preschoolers!), and spent the next seven hours getting rehydrated through an IV.

I came home and did my best to eat what I could, drink anything, but it was still pretty awful. I watered down gatorade and I could tolerate about 6 oz of that a day. I ate apples, toast, and chicken soup.

I was still taking the zofran "as needed" and ended up back in the hospital a week later.

And this whole time, while I'm in the bathroom losing my lunch or in bed moaning about being sick, David has to feed and care for himself and Dylan AND care for me AND work. Not just work, but we are entering into his BUSIEST time of year and he has A LOT of projects going on. I was completely useless and he was totally swamped.

We are pulling out of the wreckage. I am much better now that I am on the Zofran most of the time. I have my moments, but for the most part, I'm eating, gaining back some of the weight I lost, and starting to look like a pregnant woman. I can feed and care for our child, and the laundry is clean, folded and put away.

I'm not cooking as much or as well as I used to, I'm useless for projects that aren't urgent or screaming for my attention, and I am still SO TIRED all the time. I am about 10% as productive as I normally am, which is so difficult, because David and I both thrive on being productive.

I can't stomach my prenatal vitamins, but I've found some healthy alternatives, and they seem to be working (powdered shakes, folic acid drops, and B Vitamin Drops).

In the middle of all of this, our sweet little angel has decided to completely give up napping. He'd rather spend two hours crying and screaming at me from his crib than relax and take a little snooze. Today we experimented with napping together, and it worked. Hopefully we'll be able to continue doing that for a while.

On a lighter note, we're thrilled about the baby. I keep asking Dylan, "what does Mommy have in her belly?" and he says, "a baby!" I'm pretty sure he has NO IDEA what that means, but it's a start.

Perfect Mommy Blogger

2010-04-13T21:14:00.003-04:00

I have been a bad Mommy Blogger. Completely off the scene for weeks. There is so much to tell you, but most of it will have to wait, right now I have something I want to spew out, and bear with me if I go on forever.

I met a woman this weekend who has the most beautiful Mommy blog. She is beautiful, her seven children are beautiful, and her photos are so perfectly beautiful, well, if I didn't meet her in person, I'd have to hate her. That's a sad statement on my character, I know. But I know I'm not alone, and I'm not even going to link you to her blog in this post, because I don't want you going over there and hating on her too.

She is a LOVELY person and I had a blast hanging out with her. She's not normal, but neither am I or any of our friends that we have in common. She is however, quite down-to-earth and the kind of person I could hang with all day.

After having this reaction to her blog, I had a good hard look at my own blog. Do I use my blog to make my life look perfect? I hope not (and I'm not accusing anyone else of doing this) I try to let it all hang out, warts and all, but I can't really. If I showed you my real warts, the ugly nasty ones that my husband forgives me for over and over again (metaphorical warts people)...it would be too painful, too ugly to publish.

Which got me thinking of all of these people and "friends" in the computer. People from high school coming around on facebook, people who read my blog, people who email me out of the blue. We really only know each other from the pictures we choose to put into the computer and the things we say over email, in status updates, etc. And in the course of a busy week, it can be simple to check in with these "friends" and feel that we are somehow connected to the world, but those relationships cannot compare to the face-to-face interaction of real friends.

I love having readers, and from what I can tell, most of you have real friends outside of the computer, and I'm not directing this at you in anyway. What I'm saying is that this Mommy blogging thing could really get out of hand for some people. Some Mommies get over 100 comments a day, who has time to read all of that? How do they respond to all of the emails, questions, accusations, etc. And facebook too, looking at pictures of people you used to know, commenting on their "status", maintaining "friendships" with people you never see or will see again...it's all so much, and there is so little of what is real.

I still struggle with facebook, because it's fun and it's a lifeline to adults when I'm four hours into playing trains with Dylan, but I can't pretend that I'm maintaining friendships when I comment on their status over Facebook.

I had two really great playdates today with two women that I love dearly. Two Mommies that I haven't spent anywhere near enough time with lately. I've been in a little bit of a health rut (more on that later...), and I'll use that as my excuse, but nothing can compare to face-to-face time with friends.

Do you find that Facebook/blogging/reading blogs takes up the time you would spend maintaining your friendships face-to-face?

Punk E. Pie

2010-04-02T16:45:00.004-04:00

Terrific Twos

2010-03-15T21:01:00.002-04:00

Me: How old are you?
Punky: "NO"
Me: sounds like you're two!

O.M.G.

This past week has been interesting.

Punky jumped out of his crib TWICE this weekend.

The first time was on Saturday morning. He had been throwing food from his high chair again, and I'd had enough, so I stuck him in his crib for a time out.

I walked out of his room, I heard a thud, and I figured he was mad and banging his head on the wall like he used to do when he was about 18 months old. Then I heard his little feet pattering after me and his little voice shouting, "MAMA!"

HE JUMPED OUT OF THE CRIB! and landed without hurting himself! We were so impressed we forgot that we were punishing him.

Not my finest parenting moment.

Then on Sunday, David put Punky down for a nap, he seemed to go down, but he started crying 10 minutes into his nap. David went in to check on him and changed a stinky diaper. David put him back to bed, but Punky thought that naptime was over.

Punky howled for a few minutes, and then David heard the "thud" and found Evel Knievel on the floor crying.

He's so determined.

He throws massive fits when he's angry, and even though I know that all the parenting books say not to laugh when they throw a fit, I can't help it sometimes.

Tonight we were watching "thomas the train" and when the show was over, I turned off the TV and Punky went bonkers.

"CHOO CHOO SHOW! CHOO CHOO SHOW!" stomping his feet, throwing himself on the ground, turning around in circles, screaming for me to turn it back on. He did this for about 5 minutes, and then I picked him up and took him to his room.

I gave him a choice, he could either go in his crib, or we could read books. Once we started reading he totally calmed down and was super cute again. He is SO DARNED CHARMING that I completely forget about the nasty tantrum and let him stay up an extra twenty mintues singing James Taylor songs to him in the dark.

I know this is just a season, and that if we stick to training him to be a decent person, we will all emerge out of this fairly ok.

Life is a Beach

2010-03-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

Toilet Training...and general update on Punky Pie

2010-03-09T20:27:00.004-05:00

Thanks for your comments and emails on that last post.

I'm in a good place with this and no longer panicked about potty training.

Dylan is quick with a lot of things. He's learned SO MUCH in the last few months that if he's not too into learning about the potty yet, it's not that big of a deal.

I had in my mind that I wanted him trained by the fall, but really...he will be ready when he is ready.

We bought a book called "It's Potty Time" which features a little blonde boy showing the reader how he goes potty. The little boy has a cat, and the cat goes in the litter box. Dylan LOVES this new book. We read "Potty Time" twice a day. I hope this is laying a little bit of groundwork, but it's possible that he loves reading about going to the potty like I read about climbing Mt. Everest...fascinating stuff, but there is no way I'm ever doing THAT!

He's getting ultra cute lately, which really helps on those days when he's also ultra whiney and throwing trantrums. I can see why people refer to this stage as the "Terrible Twos". Two isn't so terrible for us, but it is definetly challenging. I have to be very dilligent and consistent with punishment, boundries, affection and rewards for good behavior.

He LOVES his routine, and while he might appreciate some variation (cookies instead of fruit for a snack!), he needs his days are fairly routine. If I'm good and keep him on schedule and keep him well behaved most of the week, he usually does well if we do something crazy like go to the mall on a Saturday.

He has a few things that we do that he wishes he could do everyday. The first is Miami Seaquarium. He LOVES the Dolphin Show and the Sea Lion show. I know that some of you shudder to think of us going to visit the sea animals in captivity forced to perform for little children, but for me it's a great way to get David and Dylan out the house on a Saturday morning.

He also loves costco and suggests that we go there every single day when I pick him up from school. I try to go to costco once, maybe twice a month, so it's kind of silly to hear him suggest it everyday. When we go to costco, we almost always eat at the food court, and he always has pizza and frozen yogurt. It's his favorite meal in the universe.

He LOVES the beach, and so do I. It has a calming effect on both of us, and we can spend hours digging a giant hole in the sand or chasing birds. He is SO GOOD at the beach and never tries to run into the water without me. The fresh air and the sun wears us both out and we are both glowing, happy and exhausted when we get home. Although it's brutally hot here in the summer, I know this summer will be very precious to us, filled with lots of memories of spending A LOT of time at the beach.

Overall, he's really good. He can throw a fit and be maddening from time to time, but for the most part, he gets over disappointment easily and moves on to the next thing. He stopped coloring on the walls. He stopped trying to drive his choo-choos and cars up the walls. He stopped playing with the knobs on the cooktop. And eventually, he will stop throwing food on the floor to let me know that he is done with his meal.

I'm enjoying this stage and feel so privilleged to be his Mom.

Potty Training?

2010-03-01T20:43:00.002-05:00

Any suggestions?

Do I have any readers who have boys? How was potty training?

Everyone says boys take a long time and that it's much harder to potty train a boy. Playground wisdom says that boys aren't really ready to be potty trained until they're 3. Dylan is 2.

We have a kid sized potty chair in the bathroom and Dylan wants nothing to do with it. Well, that's not entirely true, he does try to stick his foot in it from time to time, but if I try to get him to sit on it before I put him in the bathtub, forget about it, he screams bloody murder.

(bloody murder is not a swear word in the US)

I picked up a book today at the library, "Early Start Potty Training," and it gave me kind of a freak out. This book says I need to get on this potty training, I'm sorry, "toilet-learning" right away, or else my son will end up a bed-wetting headcase.

I don't want to push the potty thing too much, and I don't want to be lazy about it either.

Dylan is kind of into stickers right now, so I was thinking of telling him that stickers are rewards for using the potty...but I'm not sure how that will all work out. Any suggestions are welcome.

Where have you been, girl?

2010-02-23T20:31:00.003-05:00

It's been a rough couple of months for my poor little blog. I've been super distracted...

I have this house about 40 blocks south of the house I live in that we've owned for about 4 years. It's an old house in a really nice neighborhood, on the water with a really beautiful wide bay view. We bought the house thinking we'd knock it down and build one of our dream houses there. We hired an architect, paid him a fortune, and I have very expensive drawings of a very nice house.

We don't love the really nice house that he drew for us, and we are not ready to go through the whole "dream house" process again. As you may know, building your dream house sounds so amazing, but in reality, it's a nightmare.

This house has been vacant since before we bought it, and the person we bought it from acquired it from the estate of a couple who grew old and died there, so when I say it's old, it's really outdated.

There's outdated charming, and there's outdated, "what were they thinking?" and our house is more on the "what were they thinking" side of things. There are some cute touches, some gorgeous old mature trees, but there was also a lot of weirdness that needed to be removed and hauled out to the dumpster.

I hired someone to do most of the heavy lifting, but I've been doing little projects over there to keep things moving along and save money. It's incredibly time consuming and I'm still not done. There are several levels to fixing up the house, safe, clean, good enough, cute, nice and really nice, and I've moved up from safe to clean, and I'm trying to get to good enough. I think my husband wishes I'd give it a rest at safe, but I can't help but fall in love with a house once I've been on my hands and knees scrubbing out old stains.

I work at the house when Dylan is at school or on Saturdays when David can take him for the day, but this leaves little time for anything else, which you might notice if you walked into my office or laundry room.

I purchased curtains at ikea, built a closet with shelves from home depot, and carpeted two closets and a bedroom with FLOR tiles that my neighbor tried to dump into my dumpster.

The tiles felt like such a major score, FREE easy-to-install carpet, but after a full day of steam cleaning them and several days of cutting the tiles to fit each space, I'm wondering if I would have been smarter to spend $1000 on new carpet for the house.

I feel pretty satisfied when I walk through the house and see my little completed projects. It's not much, but its something I did that will remain, unlike a clean diaper or a clean kitchen floor.

I hope to have renters in there soon.

flip flop

2010-02-23T20:21:00.001-05:00

Facebook is ruining my life

2010-01-28T14:36:00.002-05:00

Not really...but it's becoming a problem.

I spend entirely too much time on facebook. I am addicted to updating my status, seeing what my facebook buddies are up to, and I am overwhelmed with the correspondence. I let myself get swept up, and now I am stepping back.

I'm not on the computer all that much, but I have a facebook application on my fancy new google phone, and it's so easy to check in on everyone, or let everyone know what I'm doing...and then they comment, and I comment back...it's TIME CONSUMING.

It started out as a mild distraction, something to do while I wait out a tantrum, or waiting in line at the post office, but then it morphed into an all consuming addiction.

I check facebook while making breakfast, while eating breakfast, while walking back to Punky's room to get him dressed for school, when I get into the car to take punky to school, when I get back into the car from dropping him off (not while driving, before I even start the car...), when I get home, and then, I go up to the computer to see all the madness I might have missed by checking it on my phone and not on a real live computer....it goes on and on like this throughout the day, until I am lying in bed late at night, waiting there for someone to update their status with SOMETHING INTERESTING...and as we all know, that rarely happens.

I reread the survey about the previous year that I posted a couple of weeks ago, and I was struck by one of my answers,

"19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Facebook"

Facebook? That's totally voluntary...it's not like laundry, or using stainless steel cleaner in my kitchen, it's just facebook, and I can control that...right?

Easier said than done.

I'm taking the facebook application off of my phone and I have a new rule. No facebook until my to-do list has been tackled to my satisfaction.

So, if you're totally stressed out because a friend request goes unanswered for 10 days, or you send something to my facebook inbox and you have no idea if I read it or not, relax, step away from the computer and call me.

and the boss don't mind if sometimes you act a fool...at the carwash

2010-01-28T13:13:00.004-05:00

Punky loves the carwash.

It's not just the carwash, but he loves standing up in the front seat while Mommy vacuums out weeks worth of crackers, cookies and fruit snacks from every little crevice she can find. Vacuuming out the car is a big job, because it's not just vacuuming, it's throwing out hidden trash, locating stinky hidden sippy cups, and keeping an eye on the little guy as he presses all the buttons within reach of the front seat.

Last night, after sucking every last piece of sand out of the drivers seat, I shut the door and reached for the rear passenger door, and I heard a "click". Punky smiled at me with the keys in his hand, because he knew he just did something pretty outrageous. He locked himself into the car, with my keys, and I was stuck outside.

"Punky, push the button..."

"click" Punky locked the door again

"No, Punky, push the other button, show me all the buttons"

This went on for a little while, and people around me had figured out what was going on and they were all pretty interested in the big "little baby locked in the car" show.

FInally, Punky got bored with the keys and threw them under the driver's seat. He got busy pretending to drive, waving at me from the car, getting distracted by his juice, pouring his juice all over my cell phone, climbing from the back seat to the front seat, and completely mocking me by picking up my tweezers and pretending to pluck his eyebrows in the rear view mirror... the whole time I'm pointing to the unlock button saying, "PUNKY, PUSH THE BUTTON!"

No luck.

This goes on for about an hour. I'm worried that it's getting too hot in the car, and Punky is starting to get super cranky. We called the police for help, and they came out, but they couldn't get my car unlocked. I called David with some guy's cell phone and asked him to call AAA.

We pointed a laser pointer at the unlock button to get Punky's attention hoping he'd want to press it. He was thrilled with the red dot, but wouldn't press the button. I was getting hoarse from screaming "open the door" and "Push the button" (screaming so that punky could hear me inside the car).

I was making faces on the drivers window to keep him from total meltdown.

The police gave up, and I turned around from the car because I was just about to cry...and then, like the little stinker he is...Punky opened the car door.

I put all of the floor mats back into the car and we drove through the carwash holding hands.

Note to self, keep keys in back pocket always.

Posting Comments

2010-01-24T16:51:00.002-05:00

Since the beginning of this blog (about 2 years and nine months ago...), I have allowed anonymous comments. I love comments, I welcome them and I think it's pretty cool to read what people write about what I wrote. I really love it when you guys talk to each other in the comments section, and I don't care if you want to remain anonymous.

Unfortunately, there are some goons using the comments section on Mommy blogs to sell products or direct unsuspecting Mommy blog readers to bad websites. I know you guys are too smart to click on any goony links in my comments section, but I want it to stop.

The best way to stop the fake comments is to take away the option of posting an anonymous comment. So from now on, no anonymous comments on my blog.

Elmo's World: The Sky Active

2010-01-19T17:03:00.001-05:00

watch elmo do his thing on the moon..cute

Peek a boo, I see you

2010-01-11T14:40:00.002-05:00

Dylan at Two

2010-01-11T14:13:00.002-05:00

Dylan turns two today.

It's hard to believe, it goes by so fast. Everyone says that, but that doesn't make it any less true. It really does go by fast. He was just a little baby, and now he's so big. (Here is a link to last years post when he turned one)

Every time we get to a new milestone I think, "He can't possibly get any cuter than this," but of course he does, and two is no exception.

He has learned so much in the past month, it blows my mind. His teachers are blown away too. He's talking up a storm, and he understands so much. He saw a box with the word pizza on it (no pictures) lying on the ground yesterday and he said, "pizza?" HE CAN READ.

He is still very attached to his Lamby, "CC" We leave CC at home for short trips, and Dylan can go hours without asking about him, but as soon as he gets tired, we NEED CC. CC is no longer white and has had the stuffing beat out of him. His hands are falling off and his satin heart is ripping off. You can say that he is loved.

We thought that we'd never let him watch TV, but like most parents, we caved, and Dylan is wild about the Wonderpets, Elmo and has recently discovered Thomas the Tank Engine.

He loves all things transportation. Trains are his favorite, we have train tracks that run through our town and he loves going over them, and gets so excited when a train passes by and we get stuck in traffic watching it. The train tracks run right next to our public park, and he LOVES trainspotting at the park. We bought him the Geotrax train set for his birthday, and he loves it.

He also loves riding on buses and spotting buses from the car.

We had a flat tire and had a tow truck come out to help us with it and Punky and I got to sit in the cab of the tow truck. He talked about that night for week.

He loves when we wake him up at 6 in the morning, because that always means that we are getting ready to go on an airplane. He collects the little Southwest luggage tags and carries them around with him whenever we go on a trip. He's probably the most well-traveled two year old on the planet, except for maybe Brad and Angelina's kids.

He loves to sit out on the dock and spot boats in the bay. Basically, anything big and engine powered is exciting.

He still loves going out for walks and is the kind of boy who needs to be outside A LOT. I try to take him to the park everyday, and he gets really cranky if he's cooped up in the house because of bad weather.

He loves escalators and elevators and we have been known to spend up to an hour going up and down either of these, usually when we are in a mall or an airport, killing time on one of David's business trips.

He LOVES books and coloring with markers. He's getting very good at following rules for playdough, markers and other messy creative toys, and he enjoys the freedom that following the rules gives him.

At times he seems so independent, "self! self! I do it myself!" and other times he's whining for Mama or Dada. He's ridiculously adorable and gets away with a little more than he should because he so good looking.

I think two is so much fun and it doesn't feel so "terrible". Sure, he's prone to tantrums when he gets mad, and yes, he does get a little weird on me (seriously, Dylan, you need the blue cup? not the orange? how can it be that important, I mean, you didn't even KNOW your colors a month ago), but I feel like it's really getting fun now that he's a little person.

Learning Streak

2010-01-01T19:48:00.003-05:00

So, not only does Punky have most of his colors down (Yelllow is still a tough one for us), but he is counting, recognizing shapes and talking non-stop. All of this in just a few weeks. It's mind boggling.

It's like he was hanging out with some of his friends, did some end of year self assessment and decided, "I need to crack down and start hitting the books"

He picks up on everything we say, which is fine, because we pretty much stopped swearing before he was born. The funniest thing that he's picked up on is David's goofy notification ringtone. It's Timmy from Southpark screaming, "Timmy!". We hear it all day long (anytime David gets a text message or email, we hear, "Timmy!")

So, of course, now Punky says it too. It cracks us up.

Not our finest parenting moment, I know.

Mayan hockey game

2009-12-24T14:08:00.001-05:00

On our vacation, we went to Xcaret, which was pretty lame, but then they busted out the Fire Hockey, and I fell in love. It's hard to see in this video, but it was so completely awesome. Fire Hockey!

2009 Survey

2009-12-23T21:16:00.005-05:00

I answered this and posted it to my blog last year, I hope to make it an annual thing.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Garden

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't do new years resolutions. I did buy a gym membership, so hopefully that will work out (as soon as the gym opens)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yes

4. Where did you travel?

Washington DC, Quad Cities, South Carolina, Pensacola, Mexico, Maine, New Hampshire,

5. What was your biggest disappointment?

2 Miscarriages, both equally disappointing.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I lacked nothing in 2009.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I will always think of 2009 as the New Years Eve that I stayed up all night with a miscarriage watching "Dr. Zhigavo" and eating chocolate.

Still, 2009 was a good year, I will never forget our trip to Maine. It was perfect.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting through the day to day of keeping the house clean, the laundry clean, the baby happy, the husband happy. It doesn't sound like much, but it isn't easy. The toddler thing is hard, it's mind numbing, and it forces you to give everything you have to this little person who doesn't show a whole lot of gratitude all of the time. There are no goals to meet, no performance reviews, just a lot of scribble artwork and a messy house.

It's rewarding, and I hate the idea of finding a nanny to take my place so that I can help my husband with his business, but it's the strangest kind of hard work. I don't think you would ever know what I'm talking about if you're not a Mom.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't like to reflect on failures, I learned a lot this year, none of it felt like personal failure, just a lot of interesting lessons...does that make sense?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Going to the hospital for an ectopic pregnancy sucked, but I'm over it (physically and emotionally)

11. What was the best thing you bought?

John Varvatos for Converse T shirts. I think I have four of them now. They feel like silk, but they are straight up cotton.

I also bought a James Perse button down that I love and wish I could go out and buy one in every color.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

No question, my Mom. She has worked her butt off all year, and she has taken on so many other things this year too. When she finally takes time off for a well deserved vacation, she comes down to Miami to babysit Punky so that we can go on vacation.

She is amazing. Everyone who knows her feels lucky to know her. She is also the #1 Realtor in Chapin.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The pro-choice movement on the health care debate. I usually don't get so mad at them, because I understand where they are coming from, but I thought that some of the things that NARAL said about the Stupak Amendment were far fetched and alarmist...all of the things they accuse right wingers of being.

And the people who think that Global Warming is a big Hoax piss me off. (even though many of them are my friends...)

14. Where did most of your money go?

Taxes. I think my property taxes are equal to the GDP of an eastern block country.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got excited when I found out I was pregnant. Both times.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

"Elmo's world" theme song.

If someone can get it out of my head, I will give them a million dollars.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?

much happier

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Bible study

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Facebook

20. How did you spend Christmas?

at home, the Mills came over, it was awesome.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

Big Love, but I kind of fell for Nurse Jackie, Glee and Mercy. We have a DVR in the bedroom, I wouldn't be able to "get into" any kind of tv program without it.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I can't really say that I HATE anyone. It's just not worth it.

23. What was the best book you read?

This is embarrassing. I don't know if I finished any books, and if I did, I can't remember the title. I go to the library every other week, and I know I bring books home, but for the life of me, I can't remember them and I hardly ever finish them anymore.

I'm going to read John Krakauer's book about the football player who was killed fighting in Afghanistan, but other than that, I can't remember what I read or bought at the book store.

When I'm tired at the end of the night, I listen to podcasts.

OH WAIT!!! I finally read The Kite Runner. I didn't really read it, I listened to it on my ipod. I loved it.

And of course, I read Goodnight Moon, The Story of Jesus, and Beach (a picture book) every single night--some nights fifty million times in a row.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That you can entertain a 1 year old by teaching him how to play drums with a wooden spoon and a coffee can.

25. What did you want and got?

the house finished, well it's mostly finished, and we live here now, so things are good

I finally have a bike, I love taking it out for a workout.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?

See answer for favorite book. I have no clue.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I am 35, and I spent the day moping that my husband didn't buy me paddleboard.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not sure. I'm sure that I would feel different if I were pregnant or holding a newborn, but I can't say that I could possibly be any happier than I am right now.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Wash and wear.

30. What kept you sane?

I loved listening to podcasts.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None. I could care less. As I grow into my marriage, the idea of being with someone else or fancying someone else is so disgusting.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Afghanistan. I'm kind of Afghanistan obsessed.

33. Who did you miss?

I miss my Mom.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

I met a very cool new person, Helen. She's super athletic (puts me to SHAME) and a Mom, we have a mutual friend who set us up on a blind play date. I hope to see her a bunch in 2010.

I met this woman Sara at church. She married a widower with two young children. She is from Europe and moved all the way to Miami to be with him. He is in the Army. They are newlyweds, and the whole family has this joy about them that can only come after very profound sadness. I don't know them well, but their little girl is in my Sunday school class. Sara seems so brave to move here without any friends or family, and she homeschools!! I would love to be friends with Sara.

Baby Jackson is the best NEW PERSON that I met. He was literally a new person this year and I love him so much. He loves me too.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

I learned that I'm not going to do everything that I thought I might in life. I might never do an Ironman triathlon, I might never go back to college/law school, whatever, there are a whole lot of things I could have done that I might never do, and it's ok.

I learned how to stop watching the clock until bedtime and really enjoy playing with my son.

I learned how to be content watching Dylan and letting my chores pile up while my husband works. I used to get impatient about this, but David really doesn't care if the house is clean, so I had to let cleaning go as my "most important thing".

I learned that it's ok to not be friends with everyone and to put my energy into people that are easy to get along with and who don't make me second guess everything I said.

Mexican Getaway

2009-12-23T15:13:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've been a little absent from my blog. David and I ran away to Mexico last week, and we left Punky behind with my parents.

Several years ago, before we had Punky, we went on a ski trip with our friends H and M. H and M have two children, and their children were both little at the time. I knew H was looking forward to our trip, we'd been emailing back and forth about it, and she kept reminding me to ENJOY this time in my marriage before children and telling me HOW MUCH she was looking forward to a week away from the kiddies.

In fact, I imagined my former party-girl friend would be letting loose in Colorado, lots of late nights with loads of wine...you know, things that people do before they have children...

I was kind of shocked when H broke down into tears looking through pictures of her children while we stopped by her hotel room on the first night in town. She'd been gone two days and she missed them horribly.

The kids were too little to ski, but all H could talk about was how cute the children would look skiing and how much they would enjoy it.

I didn't get it. What happened to "enjoy your time alone while you can" and all of that???

And SHE CHANGED. She was in bed by 10pm every night. She didn't even order a glass of wine. What the hell happened?

I get it now.

A week ago, I couldn't wait to run away from my son, his poopy diapers, our house and the never ending mountain of laundry. I needed some alone time with my hubby and I needed to sleep in and have someone else make the coffee each morning (and deliver it to my room in a silver pot, with a flower on the tray, and fold the napkin into a swan please....thank you.)

Don't get me wrong, we had an excellent time on vacation, but I missed Punky so much that it hurt to even think about him. I talked to him on the phone in the car on the way home from the airport and my heart was RACING to see him.

I look at him now, the diapers, the house, the laundry, and it all seems like a privillege, that I get to be his Mom, that I get to wipe his butt, that I am here in this beautiful house taking care of this beautiful family.

Funny how life changes completely after you have kids and that I will never ever go back to my former self.

I can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

I will post pics of our vacation and Christmas soon, I just need a little bit of time to recover and clean the house. Have a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS all of you, my friends, my bloggy computer friends and all of the strangers who read my blog.

I love getting comments and emails from you and I feel so very blessed to have only nice normal cool people reading my blog and none of the crazy trolls that the famous bloggers deal with.

xoxo and Merry Christmas

June

Toddler Update

2009-12-06T20:33:00.004-05:00

Dylan and I were on a little playdate with our neighbors when it occurred to me that I forgot to teach him his colors.

Cayetano, our neighbor boy, is the same age and knows all of his colors in Spanish and English. He's a little color genius. I was shocked, I thought colors came later...all this time drilling him on the ABCs, and I completely forgot colors.

We're working on it. Right now, everything is blue. He knows blue, and when he sees blue, he points to it with confidence. Then he sees other colors, and he knows they're not blue, but he gives it a try, saying "Blue?" like a question, a question that means, "what color is this?" until I say, "orange" and then he does his best to say "Orange", or "Wed" or "Pupul"

He is equally adorable with numbers, he knows "one" and "two"..."One" stands for a single item, "two" is any number beyond that. Anything more than one is exciting, and he will scream, "TWO DOGS!" or "TWO TREES!" and he could mean that he's looking at any number of dogs, trees, whatever. He's developed his own counting system. It starts with two, then six, then ten. I don't quite understand it, but I'm sure it's brilliant. It will probably be the base for some new math that discovers the scientific explaination of the universe.

He's into the normal toddler stuff, he loves Melmo (Elmo) and the Wonder Pets. When I was pregnant, I didn't think I'd let him watch TV at all, and now I'm pretty thankful to have it. He watches about 15 minutes of Wonder Pets every day when I get dressed (DVR in our bedroom), and 20 minutes of Elmo every three or four days. Melmo is a big special treat, we watch it in our guest room on the VCR. We have a little sofa in our guest room, and he likes to cuddle up in my lap and will sit there for about 20 minutes watching Melmo.

I can't believe that he will be two in January. Part of me believes it, because he acts like a two year old and he wears a size 2T, but when he's cuddled up in my lap before bed, reading stories, saying our prayers, I can't help but think of him as a tiny baby, all curled up in my belly.

Tiny Dylan

Big Boy Dylan

Talk to the Moose - Gap 2009 Holiday Commercial

2009-12-05T22:20:00.001-05:00

I started watching TV again because I love this commerical so much.

What we don't normally discuss on this blog

2009-11-20T21:56:00.004-05:00

My husband's travel.

I don't like to talk about his travel for safety reasons, but it's a big part of our life. I'm not going to go into all of the details, but when he's gone for more than a day or two, it's really hard on all of us.

It must be tough for a little toddler to understand why Daddy is there when he goes to bed and gone the next day. He talks about it all day, "Dada, airplane(pronounced "eh"), bus, train" because that's what Dada does when he goes to DC, he gets on a plane, takes the bus to the train station, then takes the train into the ciy...

Punky is very fussy and clingy over me while David is gone, and then very fussy and clingly all over Dada when David gets back, oh, and to make matters worse, I can be a little on edge after spending 3 days alone with a toddler and no grownup to talk to.

Considering all of this, David asked us to come up to DC with him this week. I did not want to go. I hate getting our son off of his schedule, and I don't like having to find ways to make it work for two very different schedules...David's and Punky's. I don't like taking my son to restaurants alone and I hate sleeping three to a bed (Punky, scared to death of the pack n play). I also hate sharing a suitcase with someone who wears diapers and needs to change his clothes all the time. I had room for three pairs of socks and a t-shirt. No joke.

But here we are, in a Baltimore hotel room, and I have to admit, Punky and I had two great days that were completely fun. Our first day, we flew up to Baltimore with no nap, two lolipops and several stinky diapers. I don't remember how I got to sleep that night, but I know that it happened quickly. The next day was much better, Punky and I bummed around Annapolis, went to the park, took a long luxurious nap, met up with our friend Amy, had pizza for dinner. It was an excellent day. The third day, not so hot. The zoo wasn't as exciting as he hoped it would be. He sat down on the sidewalk and cried for most of the trip. His nap was a disaster, and for dinner, we completely tore up a cheese platter in the concierge lounge at the Hilton.

Today was another terrific day. We spent a lot of time doing things on Punky's schedule, looking at buses on K street from the sidewalk, napping in the car (him, not me, I sat in the parking lot while punky napped and David conference-called), and then David went off for some real life meetings while I took Punky to the Baltimore Aqaurium...it was awesome. We saw dolphins, sharks, snakes, you name it. We spent 2 and a half hours in there. By the time we left, Punky was mubling, "fish...fish...mama, fish..." We walked across the street to Best Buy (downtown Baltimore is like a big mall) and looked at new cell phones (I'm leaning towards the Samsung Moment, I love the iphone, but I'm not switching carriers).

And now I'm in the room, blogging while the baby sleeps, and David is out with clients at a Bruce Springsteen concert. I know for sure that my afternoon at the aquarium was way more memorable and fun than his concert, and I feel bad for David that we get to vacation while he works (I know it doesn't sound like it, but going to the concert and having a big fat steak dinner is work).

I feel very blessed that we can afford to go with him, that David is his own boss and can decide for himself to bring wife and family on a business trip, and that I am not tied to a job that would keep me from enjoying this special treat.

I don't think we'll be doing this for every single one of his trips, but I'm glad he wanted us along.

It really makes us wonder why we are living in Miami if David is traveling to DC all the time, but I guess I'll save that for another blog post.

Brilliant Parenting Moment

2009-11-10T22:53:00.003-05:00

Although I like the term "home manager," sometimes I feel like I can't really manage anything. I drag into the kitchen to make tea each morning, listen for the little guy to wake up, go to his room, change his diaper, and then make breakfast while David takes him for a walk, this starts our daily routine. I have tasks that I can only manage when someone else takes care of Punky, and I take care of those when he spends time with his Dad or he's napping. It's a full day of playing with the little guy, then handing him off to his dad, his 3 day a week morning preschool program, or his crib to manage the other stuff (laundry, scrubbing the floor, checking email, working out, making dinner).

The routine is fine, it helps us accomplish a lot, and keeps us happy, fed and living in a nice clean house. But tonight, when I handed him off to his Dad, I laid down next to them on the bed and I couldn't move. I stayed there, the three of us rolling around on our king sized bed like we used to do when he was first born. We pretended to eat his toes, he climbed all over us, and then we nearly fell asleep watching Mad Men on the DVR. He sucked his thumb and watched with us, so happy to be lying in bed between us, he didn't even care that we weren't watching baseball.

It was the sweetest moment we've had in a long time, just the three of us with nothing to do but lie around and snuggle. The kitchen is still a mess, and David and I ate canned soup for dinner, but we are so completely happy with our ridiculously well behaved baby (yes, I'm talking about the same baby as my last post...I know)

It felt like a gift from God, this nice special night to lie around and snuggle in bed with our sweet little boy. I know that he loved it, both parents giving him complete and total attention, and then after we'd exhausted him with all of that snuggling and tickling, an extra hour up past bedtime to watch "Mad Men."

I'm sure he loves his special time with his Dad, and I know that he enjoys school, but I realized that I was handing him off...and that doesn't feel good to me.

This doesn't mean that I'm going to let my house turn into a pigpen, or that we will be eating canned soup for the rest of our lives, but I don't need to be in such a hurry to get everything done.

As if you didn't already know

2009-11-03T20:13:00.003-05:00

This toddler business is hard.

I had a chance to snuggle with my friend Shannon's 9 month old today, he is exactly one year younger than Dylan, and his older sister is one year older than Dylan. Together, they are the 123 Birthday club.

Snuggling the little guy, I didn't remember the nap strikes, the sleepless nights and the constant need to be held, I just remember the sweet long snuggles, a warm little baby on my hip (that didn't weigh a ton), and the feeling that I was completely and totally in charge.

It's funny, because when Dylan was 9 months old, I would look at Shannon's little girl and think, "oh, next year will be so interesting! He'll learn words and play by himself, it will be so cool..."

I am doing my best to make sure to enjoy each stage, but right now I am struggling with this new phase.

Overall, he's a great kid. He's happy, fun, and easily distracted (he doesn't stay mad or sad for long or stay fixated on something he can't have).

That being said, the boy can throw a mean tantrum. I rate them like Hurricanes. Category 3 is pretty normal, we get one of those every other day. Category 4s are rare, and I've only seen two Category 5 tantrums. (think exorcist)

One the one hand, I sympathize with him, he can't really tell me what's bothering him, unless he's mad that he can't have something he wants. Then he just screams about it over and over again until someone cracks or he realizes it that you can't scream your Mother into submission.

But other times he might have a headache, or a tummy ache, or get frustrated that he can't stack the blocks 20 high without his tower crashing down and all chaos breaks lose. It must be hard for him to learn that he needs to articulate his feelings and deal with disappointment and frustration. Life was a lot easier for both of us when all he wanted or needed was to be fed and changed.

Any toddler advice is welcome.

On getting old...

2009-11-03T08:57:00.003-05:00

I'm officially off of "bedrest".

Thing is, I was never really on it. Maybe one or two days, but seriously, who can rest in bed all day with an almost-two-year-old running around?

It's been two months since I've been running, and I really miss it. I'm sure that the reason that I've been sluggish and sad has to do with the pregnancy loss, but I'll never get out of that slump if I don't start excersising again.

This morning I woke up before I wanted to and put on my running clothes, but I barely ran a block before I turned around and came home.

My knee was screaming at me. "Stop! Stop! I want to go home. I hate this. I want to go home"

Depressing.

I know that running is not the only excersise available to me, but it's the easiest. Wake up, get dressed, go, no need for a babysitter, we have a jogging stroller. No gym to hassle with, no people to deal with, nothing to maintain...oh, except my knees.

When I'm running regularly, I can pretty much eat what I want without thinking about it. When I'm training for a marathon, I can pig out and I still lose weight. I felt a quick panic, "what am I going to do?" I envisioned myself getting fatter and fatter until I end doing errands in oversized yoga pants (though I have to tell you Shannon, they are very comfy to sleep in).

I ended up going to the public pool and swimming some laps. I'm totally imtimidated by the super triathletes who practice early in the morning, but I have to just suck it up and share a lane if I want to get back into shape.

I'm only 36, but I can see that I'm facing the back 9 of life. My knees need special attention, I don't bounce back from injury as easily as I used to, and someday, I will be old, and the days of going out for a jog or a swim will be gone.

My grandmother was always super active. She'd race us in the pool, play golf every week, whip our butts on the tennis court, and now she is in bed all day. While she's smart and loves to read, I have to imagine that reading all day gets old and being still has to be the hardest thing to do.

Editors note: I just read this post again, and let me tell you, I'm insane. First of all, I'm 35. Just turned 35. I don't know why I typed 36, it glares at me now, because not only am I feeling sad about getting older, but I'm already going senile.

I think that I'm just unusually sad right now and that it will all pass. Dylan and I went to the beach this morning after I typed this out, and I'm already starting to see through the fog.

Trick or Treat!

2009-11-01T20:16:00.003-05:00

Before we had kids, I wasn't sure if we'd celebrate Halloween with them.

Between the demon-like decorations and the tarted up Halloween outfits for women, I couldn't see how Halloween could have any POSITIVE influence on my child.

Last year, we kind of gave in to Halloween, we bought a little costume and took him out for some candy because we were at my parents house. We had fun, but it didn't feel like the beginning of a tradition, just some goofy ploy to get some candy for ourselves.

This year was different. I KNEW I wanted to take him out for candy in our neighborhood, and I knew that we would all have fun with it.

I think I bought his little batman costume the week they went on sale at Target. I bought him a 3T thinking we'd use it next year (he's 21 months), but it just fits him and at the rate he's growing, it will not fit him next year.

At first he didn't want to get into his costume, but after a quick visit to our neighbor Brad's house, an absolute imagineer with an entire hollywood set in his front yard, Dylan realized something pretty amazing was going on and went with the flow. (I think holding a glow stick for the first time helped as well)

He was out in the dark for about 2 and a half hours and didn't complain once. We let him eat two lolipops and several tootsie rolls, and he was as happy as a baby eating candy could be. Our neighborhood was packed with kids from all over the city. The police came out and directed traffic at major intersections, there were cars parked all over the streets, and I think that the only bigger party Halloween party in Miami last night was out on South Beach with all the drag queens on Lincoln Road.

My little clown.

2009-10-19T20:31:00.004-04:00

It's been a little bit sad around here. Four miscarriages is too much and it's all starting to hit me like a big old truck. Yes, I'm grateful for our son, and yes, I believe that God has a plan for all of this, but it is still really sad. I really believe that it's better to go ahead be sad and get it over with.

Fortunately, we have a little clown living under our roof to keep me entertained.

Dylan is hilarious.

He makes silly noises, just to try them out. When catches me watching him, he stops, looks at me, smiles and then carries on like it's totally normal.

He does so many weird little toddler things, dump the food off his plate, turns the plate upside down, and then lines up all the food onto the upside down plate, or he puts his sock on his head and tries his best to convince me that it's a hat...

When I remove the tray to his high chair, he stands up in the high chair and starts screaming, "sit! sit!"

He loves cookies and talks about them all the time "cook". He even uses cookie as an adjective, for example, he loves Odwalla Superfood juice, so he calls it "cook juice".

He blows kisses at everyone whenever we leave a place...school, the deli counter at the grocery store, strangers in the bank...everyone loves it, which makes him ham it up and turn on the charm.

He loves to go outside and play t-ball. We played t-ball for an hour and a half today. He holds the bat at the very end and sort of clubs the ball off of the tee, I tried to help him out with his grip, but he is SO BOSSY and so offended that I would try to help him with the bat. He's having a ball, so I guess there is plenty of time to improve his technique later.

He loves to stand at the sink and play with the water coming out of the faucet. He knows I have a low tolerance for this, and he's smart about it. He says, "hands...hands...hands, ana ush hands" (I want to wash my hands), because he knows I'm trying to teach him hygiene. Little stinker.

He's 21 months now. He is very much a boy and not much of a baby anymore. Sure, we still have diapers, crying and cuddling, but everyday he becomes more of a little man and less of a baby.

Still here

2009-10-19T14:48:00.002-04:00

I haven't been posting much because I don't really know what to say.

I'm sad. Really sad.

We sang this song in church yesterday about Heaven and I just cried, wondering if the babies that were never born would be in Heaven (I think so). And then I start to wonder if they go there as babies and grow to be adults, or if we are just completely ageless in heaven, and if they go as babies and then just sort of plateau at ageless wise adults at some point, who raises them? One of our grandparents? A stranger?

It's all really unclear to me. The idea of Heaven is supposed to be comforting to me, but it's really frustrating to not know the details (other than pearly gates, walls of gold, and that it's really huge).

When I try not to think of little embryos in heaven, I'm debating whether I even want to get pregnant again. I am SO derailed right now. I can barely do what I need to do, and I'm not even close to functioning at my normal speed. I don't really want to eat and it's difficult to fall asleep. I had morning sickness last night and this morning, I guess those last bits of pregnancy hormone in my body are having a big "bon voyage" party.

I hate feeling like this and would like to get back to my old self.

*I saved this as a draft when I wrote it (October) and waited until January to publish it. I thought it was a little too awful and raw to post at the time, but now I felt that it should be posted because miscarriage really does suck and it takes some time to get over. I thought that if some woman getting over a miscarriage read my site, she'd be comforted reading this one. Not because I say anything profound or wonderful, but because it's awful for every single one of us going through it.